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Sleeping away from home...


MrsMoo2
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Hiya guys,

just wondering if I could get a bit of advice. DS is 11 in August and woke up last night crying. When I finally got to the bottom of it, it was because he doesn’t want to sleep away from home. He’s got three reaidentials in the summer, one for school, one dance and one camping. He’s a very young 11, still sits right next to you, and will always come back for a cuddle. Obvs he will have to get over this at some point but how do I make it easier for him?? His sister has been sleeping over at friends for ages so seems ok with it. He was breaking his little heart last night. 😔 Any advice??? S xx

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Yeah, he was up for the residentials when they were an idea. Even seemed excited! 

Grandparents is a good idea, he only hasn’t stayed there before as they’re a distance away but could try it...👍

Shouldn’t  keep feeding them so well obviously! 😂😂

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A few of DD’s friends were very anxious/worried/scared about this, so we had a succession of sleep overs before the first school residential. The understanding was that they could go home at any time day or night, none of them did and it successfully broke the ice on residential. 

Some children simply love going away and some don’t. My non DD would avoid going away at all costs until she was a teenager where as went off at the age of 5. They are all different. 

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Ahhh bless him! 

 

I remember dd’s first residential! It was WL Summer School when she was just 10 the week before! We said to her when she applied ‘if you get in we’ll buy you a phone for your birthday’  not even thinking that she would get in! She got a place and her first phone! 

Fortunately for me being a teacher, (and hubby said a treat for me haha!) I booked the week watching. It was so funny cos we said to dd ‘now you must ignore mummy while you’re there, and just pretend she’s another teacher watching’. Well true to her word she completely ignored me the whole week! One day she came and sat opposite me at lunch, but didn’t say a word but just smiled and then looked away haha! She would phone each evening, and sounds like she had a fab time. At the end of the week we found her crying after the performance, she’d had such a fabulous time, didn’t want it to end but had missed me! It was so hard for her me being there but it  really did prove to us that this was what she wanted to do! 

So it just shows that kids really will put up with anything if it’s what they really want to do! 

The following year she did 2 Summer schools!!

I still watch at summer schools (when allowed, not all do!) even now, but she doesn’t ignore me anymore!

 

 

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1 hour ago, MrsMoo2 said:

Hiya guys,

just wondering if I could get a bit of advice. DS is 11 in August and woke up last night crying. When I finally got to the bottom of it, it was because he doesn’t want to sleep away from home. He’s got three reaidentials in the summer, one for school, one dance and one camping. He’s a very young 11, still sits right next to you, and will always come back for a cuddle. Obvs he will have to get over this at some point but how do I make it easier for him?? His sister has been sleeping over at friends for ages so seems ok with it. He was breaking his little heart last night. 😔 Any advice??? S xx

Hi, Have you sat down and asked your DS what are his concerns? It might sound simple but if you can break down the concerns into bite size chunks it may be easier to handle than just looking at the entire event of sleeping over. Favourite pillowcase, toy, snacks, lights etc. There maybe concerns about bathrooms, sharing rooms, changing infront of others......  Just also remind him that he won't be alone in his concerns they are real and you understand them, whilst many children excel at sleepovers there are many more that don't. The staff are fully trained and experienced in this matter. It's how the challenges are addressed that can make all the difference. Please do not compare or mention how his sister copes with sleepovers. It is hard, it won't stop us of thinking it, just don't say it out loud to your DS and ensure other family members are the same.

 

Good Luck, 

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  • 3 weeks later...

slightly different approach but could you get a grandparent to stay overnight in your house and you go away for the night ( great idea for a treat for you!!!) and then he will feel safe and secure as he is in his comfort zone but he will have that break from you for the first time which might well be part of his concern. Being in his own safe place will make that less of a big deal.

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I can so relate to this! My DDs school took them away for 4 nights in year 4 and year 5 - no parental contact while away. Mine got off the coach at the end in year 4 - clung to me and cried her eyes out - telling me she had cried herself to sleep every night. Roll on to year 5 and she was adamant she was going away with her friends 'this time I only cried when I was in the shower so no-one could see'. Roll on to age 11 and she was desperate to do a ballet residential  - this time we were more prepared - she had a phone and we spoke every night and we were able to talk coping strategies and work out answers in advance to all her 'what if... what do I do when...' type questions.(she still cried every night but refused to leave) I would talk to your DS and see if you can find out which aspects worry him and remember they are real worries to him. All 3 of mine did their school residentials in year 4 - DD was the most sociable and outgoing of the 3 and yet the only one who got homesick and cried and that never really left her until she settled at vocational school aged 16. but do remember that for both school and dance the staff will be well trained and well used to looking after children away from home (or loved ones) for the first time

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