hfbrew Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 back to evenings sitting by the phoning waiting for a verbal snapshot of the day. Huh, you'll be lucky!! (says one who waited in vain night after night...) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie4dancin Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Dropped dd off yesterday... She made it so easy for us very relaxed and most certainly happy I do hope it lasts?!? Cx 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lildancer96 Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 So pleased that you got her there ! Wishing her loads of fun and success x 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie4dancin Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Thanks lil x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drdance Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Good luck to all of you and your DC's! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 back to evenings sitting by the phoning waiting for a verbal snapshot of the day. DD rang at the start of day 2 this morning and gave me 3 mins and 17 seconds of her time! Seriously I am delighted that she seems to be settling in and making friends, but so want to know all about it! 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieW Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 I used to make sure I got to know other parents of children who were more forthcoming - and get the info off them 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfbrew Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) Having just helped DS move into a flat (he really has gone this time!) I just got home and spent a nostalgic half hour looking through our letters file from 8/9 years ago starting from the "waiting list " letter for associates through to the acceptance place for WL then new parents info and term dates of that time. It brought back so many memories and was a reflection of his journey to date. May I suggest that you parents who are just starting this journey do the same? Wherever the journey takes you I am sure you would find it fascinating in a few years time. I'm not suggesting wallowing in the past but I know for example how much I regret not having similar records of landmarks in my life, I even threw away most of my programmes and scripts from my performance days as I unfortunately didn't realise memories fade with time! But right now I am so proud to be able to reflect on how a boy turned into a lovely young man- he has amazingly already rung this evening! Hope all students everywhere enjoy the first weeks.Well I hope you all enjoy it all, but those first steps are particularly excitng so please, for your sakes write diaries and keep records! Edited September 8, 2012 by hfbrew 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porthesia Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 DD dropped off - we stayed for a weeks holiday up there (not been away for 2 years!!) and were around in case of emergency. Now we're back we keep in contact by Twitter and she's having a blast. Tomorrow will be the test for me as i always took her to school but she's fine Hope everyone else's dd and ds are settling in ok. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie4dancin Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Sound advise needed from the pro's dd is very very homesick and so upset on the phone!!! What can I say/do to help Thank you I'm an emotional wreck tonight!!! Cx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robin64 Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 oh so sorry to hear that C4D. It must be awful. I don't have experience of vocational school but I am sure someone will come along soon who knows what to do. It is bound to settle with time I'm sure. Is there someone at Dd's end that can look after her. Maybe an older student could talk to her about feeling homesick. Sending you a cyber hug. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celb Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 I really feel for you C4D. I remember one weekend a few months ago when my heart was breaking listening to my DD on the phone. She was a totally different girl on the phone tonight vivaceous, lively and thrilled to be back with her friends.What I am trying to say is most children do settle and the homesickness passes or at least goes in phases, particularly at the start of terms after a long break at home. Your DD will have found comfort from you just being there on the end of the phone .It will have been a big shock going from the excitement of winning a place at ballet school,packing and arriving to the reality of being away from home at such a young age.I have found it helps to try to stay positive on the phone and to steer the conversation away from issues that you can't help her with that are better referred back to the houseparent. Wee packages/postcards from home help with a treat or funny shared memory.Keep in touch with the houseparents as they are very experienced with dealing with homesickness.I hope she settles soon. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheila Beelam Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Ah hugs Clare I used to do a lot of brownie and guide holidays and homesickness was always worse at night and when they had free time. Then, as if by magic they were charging around the next morning with a smile on their faces and I'm sure little Charlie will be too Sx 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Hang in there, it's early days. Chances are it will pass xx 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancemad Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Get someone to ring the matrons on your house phone whilst you are talking on mobile. Ask the matrons to go to the dorm as DD very upset. They are wonderful, wonderful women & unfortunately as you are not there, they can actually give more productive support when it comes to homesickness. They will get DD involved in something or have them help out in the office to keep busy. We were lucky & only had one or two 'upset' phone calls. It will pass but an awful thing for you 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Charlie4dancing, when my daughter first left home she too was very home sick. Later on she told me that she just wanted me to listen to how she was feeling so that she could get it off her chest, she never actually wanted to come home. When will you get to see her next? Rightly or wrongly I used to say to my daughter 'You will see us in five more days and then we will have a big cuddle and go and have a nice lunch etc etc'. This did help my daughter but I know it might not help others. Good luck and your little one will settle soon. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2dancersmum Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Feel for you C4D and would echo the advise of others on here about the matrons. My DD is 6th form at the same school (left sunday) and she too has found the 1st week tough and spent most of the weekend on her own not helped by the fact that her roommate and the other 16 year old from her house have been out getting drunk every night! Although I should say that actually it was about the 4th day away that she seemed most homesick and she seems to have settled again since then. I suspect it is not as bad as it sounds to you as your DD is bound to be more emotional when she hears your voice. As she gets used to the routine I am sure your DD will settle. It is also very tiring when everything is so new and stimulating and emotions always run high when you are tired. I agree with sending a letter/parcel. My DD was so excited to get post last week - even though it was only her memory stick!! Hang in there - I am sure in reality you are more distressed and unsettled than your DD. If only you were able to be a fly on the wall and spy on her unnoticed - I am sure your mind would be more at rest. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stirrups36 Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 we always used to ask specifc questions about toics rather than general 'how are you feeling?' 'are you feeling better?' type of questions. that usually got him talking about classes, other students, teachers, food, anything really! and that seemed to help. We also tried not to say that we were missing him, whilst letting him know we cared about him. House parents were always useful to talk to, but be prepared for them to possibly give a completely different version to that you hear on the phone from your child. Not saying they either don't care, or that your child is overplaying things, it is just that there are always two different views on how someone is feeling. Probably somwehere in the middle is the actual case. I do hope everything settles down. It is difficult those first few weeks away from home. It's also difficult for us having them away those first few weeks (although i am missing DS a lot at the moment after such a good summer and that's after 2 years at school) 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Oh, Charlie, how rotten for you! Your heart must be breaking. It is so hard when they are so unhappy and you can't magic it better. I hope she will be feeling more positive soon for her sake as well as yours. x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CeliB Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I remember when my younger brother went to Berkeley for a year (at 19 not even so young!) he used to skype my Mum and have endless miserable conversations about how hateful it was, how he had no friends, no one liked him, the work was boring etc. Now if you talk to him he speaks of it as his best year of university. There is a real tendency for kids to save up all the misery for you, because they HAVE to put a brave face on for everyone else. I'm not saying it doesnt exist (I'm sure your DD is genuinely sad) just that it isn't as all encompassing as it feels when they are talking to you about it.....and having off loaded they then can go away feeling better (whilst you no doubt are glugging the vodka and weeping into your hanky). I find with my DS that his stories of woe don't seem to detract from the endless photos he posts on facebook of him larking about in the studio with mates (when he should be doing his HOMEWORK grr). So lots of sympathy- it is hard- but try and see it as your most valuable parenting contribution- and it's far better to be doing that than thinking she might be sad but not telling you..... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinkletoes Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 its a hard/sad time for everyone to adjust, parents and children, but it is something that staff are used to and watch out for, there is a difference between bouts of homesickness and a real deep-seated unhappiness and the school would contact you if they were really worried, take heart in the fact it WILL pass. Often parents rush down to try and fix things but i would encourage you to resist this temptation, often phone calls are enough and rushing down will often make it worse as you only have to leave again and it takes longer for students to adapt (though it goes against every parental instinct i know), its always exciting to get letters and cards from people and there are always technologies such as skype or facetime which ease things too, maybe you could tell her that you will come down in a week or two, give her something to look forward to and then get everyone to send letters and card, she's probably too young for something like FB as i think they're meant to be 13 for that but it may be a way to keep in touch so she feels included without having to be there, just keep reminding her that this is what she has been working towards for so long and it will be worth it, I suspect that very soon she will be too busy to feel sad Its only been a few days and i'm sure it will get better (and its not long till half term ) T x 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon2 Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 C4D - It is really hard, we have been there too but don't let your daughter realise you are upset. Try really hard to distract her with talk of everything and nothing - if anything like mine she will try to take you back to her unhappiness but be strong ask what others are doing at the moment, what she has tomorrow, even what the weather like etc. I'm sure she will tell you she is the only one feeling like this and everyone else is happy - they are not just but they can't see it when they are upset themselves. I sometimes suggests mine goes for a shower/bath and phones me back - usually takes ages because meets someone to chat to on way. Remember homesickness is normal - whatever their age, would worry if never showed any signs. They get very tired and at home might have down time alone in bedroom, in front of TV but don't have that luxury when away. We have always found Sundays the worst day especially early evening - learnt to try and arrange for delivery of small parcel on Saturdays with mag, chocolate, socks or little craft activity so something new to think about over weekend. Have talked to my DD about it when she is happy/relaxed and always says that although she does get upset, as others have said she saves it all for me, but the good out weighs the bad even if at the time she is acting like it is the end of the world! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomuchtallent Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 My son just started boarding school and my two younger children have cried their eyes out everyday!after leaving him at school I had mixed feelings,I was so sad but so happy at the same time after seeing how lovely the other students were and how they welcomed him.He is very happy and is so busy he hasn't time to call!its even more difficult for us as we are living in another country and he is only 13!won't see him until christmas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regattah Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Hi C4D. I've just seen your post today and asked my DD (year 9) whether she knows your DD when I spoke to her just now. She said she saw her crying yesterday so went into her room, gave her a cuddle and played cards with her. She says she seemed better by the time she left her but has been crying again today. She's going off with another friend to find her now. It is so early days! It will come good! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyG Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 When DS first went away I felt for those who couldn't go home due to distance as Sundays was a very lonely time for them as those who could had gone home meant not many others around to keep those who couldn't go home to keep them company. We tried to invite those left back to our home for the weekend. When DS changed schools we actually had a call from the school to say you need to come and take him home for the weekend as he is so distressed. He had a very bad start to the year partly due to his behavior. When we took him back on the Monday I actually thought he was going to refuse to go to class and want to come home. But both his ballet teacher and Mr Kelly came and spoke to him and encouraged him to go to class, Mr Kelly even said he would come and watch to see he was ok. He hasn't looked back since, that was a real turning point for us. When he went back this term he was telling us it would be 50 something days before he came home again! something he was happy about. It is tough but on the whole they get through it we just have to make sure they don't pick up the we're missing you vibes and encourage them to join in with any activities organized. Something I'm still working on with DS. It will be ok just tough at the time. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pups_mum Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I've no real advice C4D but wanted to send you a virtual hug. I'm sure things will get better in time. It's such a big change for you both, it must be really tough. Even starting "normal" secondary school is a worrying time for most 11 year olds so going away must be even harder. But I'm sure Charlie will be sparking again soon. Take care of yourself and remember that everyone here is thinking of you xx 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie4dancin Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 (edited) Thank you everyone for your helpful hints and words of encouragement... Dd said she loves the school, dancing, friends etc but is struggling with missing home and ultimately know she doesnt want to leave. She is struggling with the feelings and emotions especially when there are other who seem totally fine and havnt even shed a tear!!!! I have told her its normal to have these feelings and it's not WRONG or BAD to feel like this... She was brighter on the phone the last two night but admits she is still crying usually the end of the day at school When she rang last night I told her 'The Big British Bake Off' was on so she excitedly went off and made a hot choc and one of her specially bake choc cupcakes and sat and watched the tv for the first time. Unfortunately she couldn't watched the end as the bell for bed goes at 8.45 so rang up to ask who was the star baker!!! We were texting during with comments of our favourites as we would do at home... she said this was cool and it helped Something simple but it seemed to help... small steps but it made last night easier!!! Thanks C x Edited September 12, 2012 by charlie4dancin 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Ah that's good news C4D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I am so pleased! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieW Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 That's good - well done for dealing with the situation so well My son was terribly homesick when he went to WL at 11 - same thing as your dd really - loved it there (lovely staff, good friends, etc) but just really missed us and being at home. He'd get really upset at night and that then moved on to being really upset in the morning too - which eventually came to a head as he was having to sit out of ballet as it was first thing in the morning, as he was too upset. We got a call from the nurse one day saying that he was with her and he was saying he didn't think he would be able to stay. Hubby went for a visit that evening, took him out for dinner and they sat down and talked about the pros and cons of being there. He would've struggled with going to secondary school anyway I think - he was a quiet lad who'd been to a really small school and he found the moving around to different classrooms and the general level of noise hard to deal with at first. He very much wanted to be there so learnt that he just had to put up with these sad feelings he had and knew that they just lasted a short time. He gradually got better but it was pretty hard for most of the first term - and carried on after that when he'd go back after weekends or holidays at home. It was horrible at the time but I believe made him a stronger person for having to deal with these feelings and I'm proud of how he stuck with it despite feeling so awful at times. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancingmuppet Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Glad she's feeling a bit better, it must be so hard when you want to give them a hug but can't. Sounds like the texting was a good idea , you've probably started something that will carry on through out all the time she's away, you'll have to plan programmes to watch together! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2dancersmum Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 C4D - your DD is definately not the only one feeling that way. My DD also loves the school, loves the classes but she is still struggling socially, which makes her feel homesick. I know she has shed a few tears but she quickly wipes them away and I doubt anyone has even realised. She is only just 16 and doesn't drink or smoke and that seems to have made her an odd one out. She knows she is just going to have to grow a thick skin and get on with things but I do feel for her and it is horrible knowing I can do nothing to help, other than just be there for her when she wants a moan. An 18 year old boy making jokes about her age and 'innocence' doesn't help in the slightest! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pups_mum Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 C4D - your DD is definately not the only one feeling that way. My DD also loves the school, loves the classes but she is still struggling socially, which makes her feel homesick. I know she has shed a few tears but she quickly wipes them away and I doubt anyone has even realised. She is only just 16 and doesn't drink or smoke and that seems to have made her an odd one out. She knows she is just going to have to grow a thick skin and get on with things but I do feel for her and it is horrible knowing I can do nothing to help, other than just be there for her when she wants a moan. An 18 year old boy making jokes about her age and 'innocence' doesn't help in the slightest! Gosh, I'm shocked by that 2dancersmum. I hope your DD finds some friends who are more on her wavelength soon - there must be some surely? Maybe I am very naive, but I would have expected young people who are planning on a career which depends so much on their physical well being would have the sense to take care of their bodies a bit more. Sounds like your daughter is the sensible one and I'm sure her attitude will serve her well in the future. She's probably a lot more mature than the others actually! I hope she manages to settle in soon. C4D - so glad to hear that things are looking better. And it will be half term before you know it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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