Dancingmom Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 My dd goes away this time next week and I am going to be absolutely lost without her. Since she was two I have taken her to dance classes then it developed into festivals then Royal Ballet, now it's going to be nothing !!! Just wondered how other parents were feeling and what are you going to do with your spare time. My spare time is now going to be spent with my son stood on the touch line freezing every Sunday morning ! 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
primrose Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I can realy relate to you Dancing mom. I really worried about exactly the same thing when my daughter went away. I also have a son who attends his football a couple of times a week and I now find myself spending more time with him, which is a bonus. Things seem to naturally happen and you suddenly find that you dont miss all the running around to dancing schools and festivals. However, you do spend time going to the school events which always involves some travelling. Also when the children are home on long holidays I sometimes spend time taking her back to her school for lessons or time shopping which is always lovely. You will be fine Dancingmom, as will your dd. A new adventure is just about to begin. Good luck to you and your daughter and also a big fat hug to both of you xx 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAIRBELLES Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Aww Dancingmom this brought a lump to my throat just reading your post.  Its my birthday a few days after the start of term and last year my younger DD ,who bravely went off to join her sister at vocational school,secretly left me a birthday card saying loads of lovely things about how we have always done things together and she hoped it would never change etc (we spent a lot of time together owing to festivals JA's etc). Every time I thought about what she had written I would get all sniffly ,people must of wondered what on earth was wrong with me .  I echo all that Primrose has posted and you will have lots of quality time with your son too.  Sometimes it still seems like they are there with all the nightly phone calls and exeat/leave out weekends do come around quickly.I feel like I'm never away from school  Good Luck to you and your DD  ps.Don't forget the tissues 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie4dancin Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 We are getting ready for this time next week too... Having climbed a mountain and back to get her there I hope it all works out Good luck to everyone for next week and I for one will have the tissues ready, I'm dreading the dropping off Best wishes and thank you to each and everyone who has supported us over the last year we appeciate it Cx 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pas de Quatre Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Really feel for you Dancingmom. DD is just about to start in 2nd year of a Dance degree. Last year when we unloaded her at her halls of residence it was actually on her birthday and we said our farewells at the time she was born! Although she had been boarding at Vocational school for 6th form, it was still a wrench. Â Best thing about this modern electronic world is Skype - it is such fun when she says "Guess what we did today" and proceeds to demonstrate! Â Good luck to all our dancing offspring - and the parents who made it possible. xxx 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CeliB Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Last year when DS went away I cried almost continuously for a week- I would stop as long as I was busy or at work, then as soon as I was on my own I would just burst into tears. I was completely bereft- DESPITE the fact that I knew he was doing what he wanted, and was deleriously happy. When he came back for Thanksgiving same thing happened when he left even though it was only 3 weeks til Christmas break!!!! But by Spring break I was a bit more resigned to it. Not sure what will happen next week, as he has been home on and off now since end of May.... It is honestly really hard to lose the day to day contact with someone with whom you are so closely entwined- it's like the physical pain of being bereaved. But after a while you adjust to having a different sort of relationship- no less close emotionally - just physically more distant... What I would say is that his 3 siblings miss him more than I do- 'cos they can't regularly stay up til 11pm to talk to him on skype. So if you do have others be aware of how much they will be affected (as they often aren't old or savvy enough to be able to express their loss in such terms). Oh dear- now I feel like I am saying it is awful- it really isn't and DS is completely happy and thriving and we don't regret our choice in letting him go at all. It's just we do all miss him. Sometimes however I think we appreciate him more when he is around so it's not all bad... Good luck to all going for the first time or a returners, hope it's a good year... 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie 2 Milner Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 My son only went for 6th form so I'd done 5 years of ferrying him hither and yon for classes, festivals etc. the last 2 years were especially hard. 5 days a week journeys to and from dance. Home late etc.Also Central then RB assc. Must admit I did not miss the driving at all. My younger son was a fencer so I then was able to concentrate on him. I swear he increased his classes to fill the void:-) Also football on weekends. Â We didn't discover Skype til far too late but when we did it was great. Â Its a tough transition and tears are allowed:-) Â Good luck to her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I not only lost my ex DD's when they went to universities, but their singing, dance and drama teachers, some of whom I had known for a very long time. What I did not miss was endless Saturdays waiting around and then dashing them to another lesson or driving in Cambridge rush hour traffic 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieW Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I echo everything the others have said. But also to add that, if you're going to miss festivals or the local dance school, you can still be involved - I became the dance secretary of a local festival!! Â Mind you I was lucky to have a daughter left at home (and son at the time too) who were still into their dance - my wrench will come next year when dd goes to uni (hopefully!) and then we'll be properly leaving the local dance school (although I suspect I'll still be producing their show programmes each year!!). Â I'm already missing our son's vocational school and he only left this year 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anjuli_Bai Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I only have one child - a son. Except for briefly, he did not dance but he had other activities which kept us busy. He left home right after high school graduation to pursue a chosen career - he was 17 - and suddenly the house - his room - were empty. The morning he left, I got on a plane to visit family across the country - so that took care of the first two weeks. The rest of the summer was difficult. But when it really hit me was the first day of school in Sept. when I stood at the door and watched all the children walking home from school and for the first time no child turned in toward my house. Â Well, this is rather difficult to believe - but as I stood inside the screen door crying, a truck pulled up and a man came to the door delivering flowers. They were from my son - with a card saying he knew the first day of school would be difficult for me. So - now of course - I'm crying harder!! Â The bottom line is - we love them - but we raise them to leave us. And when we are successful that's exactly what they do. Â Good luck to all the youngsters following their dreams, to all the parents who helped those dreams come true and to the brothers and sisters still at home who have watched it all and are looking forward to their dreams. 22 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
primrose Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I have a little tip that might help, mind you, you might all think I am a bit odd. When my children went of to their boarding schools (military family). I used to close their bedroom doors and in my head pretend that they were in there on their laptops and games consoles. I used to talk to them in my head aswell. I was lucky to still have my youngest at home who has mild disabilities so I was able to be kept busy with all the things I do for him. You might think I am mad, maybe I am but it helped me. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancingmom Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) It's lovely to hear all your different stories I was an emotional wreck before I wrote this link but even more so now, the bottom line is these children have worked so hard to get into vocational schools and colleges and as hard as it is for us we should all be very proud of what these very talented dd/ds have achieved xxx Edited August 28, 2012 by Dancingmom 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2dancersmum Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I know exactly how you feel dancingmom. My DD goes off this weekend and my DS (to university) 2 weeks later, both for the first time. I like primoses idea of shutting the bedroom door and maybe it will seem as if they are still in there - even if only for a moment or two. I know I will miss them both but am thankful they both have the opportunity to follow their respective dreams. I am going to be keeping myself and my younger DD very very busy!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat09 Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Gosh I'm an emotional wreck just reading these posts and it's another year before my daughter starts the round of 6th form auditions - I shall cherish the rushing and driving while it lasts Good luck to all starting at vocational school next week and a big "hug" to all you mums x 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 There is no getting away from it, but when it is the first time especially if they are only 11, it feels like a physical pain. I remember leaving our daughter at Tring, she was a little girl then and she kept saying don't go yet. I can feel a lump when I think back to that day, it is horrible. BUT like people have said they have worked so hard and it is a choice even though they are so young that they have made. Time flies and I am actually excited for my daughter starting Central. People keep saying to me are you nervous, but I'm not, I am just as excited about it all as she is. Dancingmom the only advice I can give you is to keep really, really busy even in the evenings. Try not to fret over your daughter, because she will need you to be strong as she is settling in. Mind you some kids settle straight away and are brilliant. As for missing all the running around BELIEVE me when I say it, you will look back and wonder how you did it all. My daughter still visits her old dance school, we think the world of her dance teacher, but it was the right thing to move on. You will be fine honest, but just keep busy busy. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mimi'smom Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 My dd and her friend (who are both starting at Elmhurst next week) are sitting in our dining room at this precise moment giggling their heads off and it strcuk me that that is what I will miss the most - the noise! The laughter, the giggling, the chatter about anything and everything - the house will be unbearably quiet without her. And, as another poster said, I will miss the friends we have made along the way at associates but especially our local dance school who have become more like a family to us both. It will be a terrible wrench made bearable only by her huge excitment at the adventure she is about to begin.... 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drdance Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Best of luck to all of your DD's and DS's - you must all be very proud :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfbrew Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 (edited) I've always really missed my ds when he has been away and remember anxiously looking at my phone every five minutes- his first text from White Lodge was "fine". Just that- not even a punctuation mark! His first phone call was to tell me about how his first lesson was "how to move the barres" and "the other boys are crying because they're homesick". I used to ring the houseparents to check he hadn't lost his phone!! Â But what kept me going was that it was absolutely his choice to go and the conviction that he really would not have been happy at the awful comprehensive round our corner that was at the bottom of the National league tables. If anything we were so excited by his wonderful opportunity and thrilled at the wonderful pastoral care, not just from house staff but teachers too. DS did have problems coping at times but no different to those experienced by many young people in any walk of life and in fact probably had more expert care. Â So how did I cope? Well I've a very busy 7 day working week and my ds used to have to follow me around most of it so being at boarding school instead, doing something he loved just made me happy. And being around like minded students was also great for him, especially being an only child! It also meant the times we were together were wonderful quality times. Â He is finally leaving home next week but how can I be sad? He has reached his goal of being a professional Ballet dancer and isn't even leaving the UK! Â So enjoy the journey everyone. Sometimes its horrible but its always exciting and whatever happens remember that you are doing the best you can as parents by letting your children go. Be warned they always come back he he....... Edited August 28, 2012 by hfbrew 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfbrew Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 My dd and her friend (who are both starting at Elmhurst next week) are sitting in our dining room at this precise moment giggling their heads off and it strcuk me that that is what I will miss the most - the noise! The laughter, the giggling, the chatter about anything and everything - the house will be unbearably quiet without her. And, as another poster said, I will miss the friends we have made along the way at associates but especially our local dance school who have become more like a family to us both. It will be a terrible wrench made bearable only by her huge excitment at the adventure she is about to begin.... Rest assured you will make many new friends who will share all the highs and low with you. And its sounds as if your dd will be welcome any time at her old school. And no doubt her teacher will go and watch on teachers days, always exciting. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
balletbun Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 After being neglected especially this year I've told my son I'm going to take up surfing with him so we can spend quality time together !!!! The look on his face said it all he'll be begging his little sister to come home once I put on a wetsuit ???? 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Living the Dream Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 My DD has been at vocational school since she was 11 (5 years) and will be embarking on the next 3 years of her vocational training next week. A piece of advice that was given to me when she first went away was to never tell your child that you are missing them while they are away. I thought that this was very odd at first, but the idea is that they may be having such a good time that this may prompt them to say that they are missing you too, when in reality they are too busy and having too much of a good time and we may make them feel guilty for not missing us. Also I found that saying 'Have you had a good day' was not always the best start to a conversation with my DD, as it sometimes opened the floodgates for everything that she felt had been bad during the day,no matter how big or small, to be gotten off her chest, along with plenty of tears. This made me feels so terrible after I had put the phone down, that I used to call the houseparent, who would then tell me that she was off laughing and joking with her friends. Kids !!! She says to me now, that even if she had a bad day, that she dealt with it fine until she spoke to me on the phone and that once she had got off the phone she was fine again and just dealt with it. Sorry I hope this is making sense, as I am feeling emotional just recalling these past years !!!!!!! Â We always had a set time each night for our phone call or texting and I made sure that nothing else was happening during this time, so that she had my undivided attention. I can't say that during the past 5 years that her being away has got easier to deal with, in fact I would say each year for me has felt worse, but thankfully having her brother at home has kept me very busy, but I wouldn't change anything as she has thrived. Â Finally all I can say is good luck to all your DDs and DSs who are embarking on an amazing adventure and to all the parents experiencing this for the first time, you are not alone. There are lots of wonderful people on here, who have been through it and just remember that our children are following their dreams. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieW Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 Excellent advice there from LTD!! And interesting that you say each year it's got worse for you as I felt the same. It was harder for my ds in the first couple of years because he was so homesick, but I missed him more and more each year even though he was happier. I think partly due to the fact he has grown into such a lovely young man, I really missed his company when he went back each time (and it meant it was getting closer to him leaving for good). Â Funnily enough though, now that he has "gone for good" I feel quite happy and relaxed about it all (with only the occasional sad moment). They all eventually leave home (well, unless you're like these http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/aug/24/generation-boomerang-adultescents?newsfeed=true ) and he's so lucky to be doing what he (and we) have fought so hard for for so many years. Â Good luck everyone - I'm actually really quite jealous of you all starting out on this journey - it's an exciting rollercoaster ride. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I have enjoyed this topic as our dd is too heading off for the first time next Tuesday (my birthday!) ready to start yr 7 on Wednesday. She is so looking forward to it and we are on her behalf, we just know that we will very much miss having her at home. I have usually been the one who does the dance routine so it's my life that will change most, but I have already joined the local Dance Festival commitee and hope that will keep me connected to the dance world as well as staying involved with her former dance school by compling thier newsletter. Â We are looking forward to all the new doors that will be opened for her to participate in and for us to watch and we would like to send our family's very best wishes to everyone who is starting at a new vocational school and to those returning for the new academic year next week, with special thoughts to those parents who are in the same boat as us! 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyG Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I also miss my DS more now than when he first started vocational school for the same reasons as Julie, DS has turned into a lovely young man to have around. I actually feel a bit odd reading how upset some mum's have got with there child leaving to go away as I didn't! It was what he wanted to do and I have a lovely smiling photo on his first day at W/L on the side. Â We've always let him decide when he would call us rather than set a time, I was always concerned if I rang him he may be busy enjoying his self and we may disrupt that. I didn't want him to feel he had to miss out on something to call home. He always does though when he needs something. The few times I've rung him I usually get the one word answer and you can tell by the tone he had better things he wanted to be doing. Â Over the years we've had varying degrees of contact sometime everyday sometimes not for several days. If there is a problem the schools are quick to let you know, but some problems are slower to resolve and can take time. Â One thing we have done over the years is Granny and others write to him every week, it may be small talk but they do like to receive post, parcels are better! Â As to going back my DS is packed and only still here as we have a family thing on Saturday then once it's over he's off back to Birmingham. Excited to be starting his graduate year. Â Good luck to all starting the journey it can be tough at moments and we've had more than enough knocks and dashes to the school but to see DS so happy it's all been worth it. Try and enjoy it the years will go very quickly and before you know it they are graduating. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porthesia Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 DD also off this Friday - 9.1/2 hour drive. Not packed yet as I keep putting it off!! I have always done the dance routine so as others have pointed out, my life will change the most. Just so grateful that she is doing what she wants - I would rather miss her than have her at home not having achieved what she wanted to do. When non-DD went to Uni I was fine dropping her off the very first time, but every time she came home it got worse and worse letting her go again - just as others have stated. I think the distance is the worst part of it for me and I expect I will be spending a lot of time on this forum. Â Good luck to everyone 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfbrew Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) I agree with those who say that you miss them more as they get older and become such lovely young people. And I can identify with what Kathy G said about phoning as I remember only too well the one syllable answers! Also remember the response I got when I suggested a visit; "why? I'm busy!" And like KathyG I too didn't cry, it was all too exciting for words. And I got great pleasure from compiling jokey post- funny postcards, jelly babies and Dandy comics- the local post office got very used to me saying "first class please, nothing of value!" Â Like JulieW I am a wee bit jealous of all you who are starting your journeys (hold on tight!) especially as you have ballet.co on your side! We didn't have nearly as much information 8 years ago and had to discover it for ourselves! Edited August 30, 2012 by hfbrew 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CeliB Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I totally agree with KathyG- parcels are the best way to send love- my DS adores getting a parcel and waits anxiously when one is in the post- we send silly things like chocolate (can't get Green and Blacks in the USA), a book (which will never get read!), hob nobs (over £2 a packet in US and makes him the girls' best friend!!) and porridge oats (yes I know- but they only have horrible ready brek style oats there) plus any new ballet kit he's requested.... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Good luck to everyone!! Big hugs to mums dads brothers and sisters!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robin64 Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Good luck everyone. I hope all your children and young people have a successful and rewarding year and that you manage not to be too sad when they have gone. x 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Good luck those that are off to vocational school, I hope you're very happy there 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancingmom Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 The deed has been done dd has been taken to boarding house and settled in, she already rang home and is having a blast xx 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celb Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 back to evenings sitting by the phoning waiting for a verbal snapshot of the day. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheila Beelam Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 If it's any comfort my daughters started 6th form and year 9 today...I think I would get more information about how their days went if they were half way across the country and I skyped them....maybe I should Skype up to their bedrooms and yes their doors are shut, so that trick is realistic! Well done to all the DC living their dreams and the hard working, loving parents who are prepared to share them with the rest of the ballet world - thank you! 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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