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dramascientist

Need some balletco support

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Dramascientist I have been in your shoes to some extent.

Dd had a blip same time last year , nothing wrong with college just very down , this was her 2nd year .... I spoke to her landlady who assured me she had great friends , college loved her etc .

It came out of nowhere . She had previously been at Hammond for 5 years and it transpires amongst amother things , that it was there and the support of the boarding house that she was missing .

I strongly advise you utilise the pastoral care of the college , they are used to dealing with these situations . They will allow your daughter a break with a view to returning at a set date .

I'm sorry to say my daughter never returned to college .

I wish you and your dd well x

Hairbelles,I am so sorry to hear your DD gave up. Has she given up dancing altogether?

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I really feel for you Dramascientist - my dd suffered badly at Vocational school.  I wanted to pull her out but she was determined to stay and see it through.  Even years later we agree to differ (amicably) on what would have been best.  She says she wouldn't have got onto the degree course she loved if she hadn't stayed, but I think she might well have got there via other routes.

 

But even then, we tried to avoid "if onlys" - and our mantra is, we made the best decision we could with the information we had at the time.  A strong loving family is the best thing for any young person, so I agree a time at home to put things in perspective and talk it all through is best.  

 

On the question of the change of clocks - people have been talking about London, but of course the further north you go the less daylight there is - you get up in the dark and it gets dark before you have finished working for the day if you are in Scotland.   

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I agree, getting some fresh air in the daylight hours is supposed to be really good for you, and makes you feel better if you are miserable.

 

Edited to add: Dramascientist -, have sent you a PM

Edited by taxi4ballet

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Doesn't it get light later in the morning and dark later in the evening in Scotland? If it were not for the hour change in October wouldn't it be dark until 10 o'clock in the morning in parts of Scotland? I thought that that was the rationale behind the hour change which adversely affects the south of England which is dark at 5pm or earlier from the end of October until at least the end of January. My mood certainly lowers a bit after the hour change in October. It's ok if it's a bright day but if it's dull even in November it can be pretty gloomy by half past four. I can remember walking back from school with one of my children on days towards the end of an autumn term and dusk falling as we were arriving home at around half past three.

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Eileen - I think in Scotland it actually gets light later in the morning and dark earlier in the afternoon/evening  compared to London.  I think the further north you are the less hours of daylight you have in Winter.

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I was in Stockholm last week and they are edging ever closer to the point in the year where daylight is between 10am-2pm. Last Thursday was quite cloudy and by 2pm it was so so dark I thought it was at least 4.30. Easy to see how people suffer terribly from SAD over there.

 

I work very long weekends, more often than not I work through my lunch and forget to eat, at this time of the year especially I get home 7/8pm after working from 9, and I'm actually too tired to eat. Maybe the intensity of the programme is wearing her out so much that she's just too exhausted to eat and it's become a vicious circle. Might be worth looking at vitamin supplements and sorting some slow release carb snacks that she can graze on through the day?

 

I really don't envy the jobs you parents have, it seems like the worrying never ends!

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Bluebird I think you may be right that the not eating started when she was so tired that she couldn't be bothered to cook and then of course its a downward spiral from there. I think maybe I will suggest your advice to her that maybe she eats little and often nutritious snacks rather than waiting to eat late.

 

Its so hard to know what to suggest,

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts I will keep you updated,

DRSC

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It sounds so pathetic (& particularly for people who know me as I am a cook from scratch person) but since DD had a blimp with cooking/eating (about the same time last year) I have insisted that she buys ready meals for the freezer.

 

When she is a bit down, I ring & make her take tomorrows tea out so it's defrosted for the next day, then straight on the microwave (& while it's cooking get the next nights out)

 

I prefer fresh food & fresh cooking but TBH ATM I am grateful when she is eating so as long as it's good quality it's fine :mellow:

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I bought my dd a slow cooker for this year so that she has a hot meal plus meals prepared for the fridge/freezer. She is in Scotland where it is dark, wet and windy!!

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Slow cookers are great - assuming you can discipline yourself enough to do all the necessary prep in the morning before you leave for work/class :)

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Perhaps you'll take the word of a former RAF Navigator, old-schooled in Astro and a Scot to boot, but the hours of light and darkness vary with latitude - so the further north or south from the Equator, the fewer hours of daylight you'll get as winter progresses, with the reverse being true in summer.  Think of things like "The land of the midnight sun" for northern Scandinavia in summer and complaints about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affecting moody Swedes during winter when they see little daylight.  By contrast, if you're in Singapore or someplace else close to the Equator, you'll notice little or no difference across the year.  Yet the 400 miles from London to Edinburgh can make a very noticeable difference.

 

It's all to do with the 'ecliptic' or the Sun's 'apparent motion' - forty years ago I could have explained it all reasonably well, nowadays I have to refer to Wikipedia!

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecliptic

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Hairbelles,I am so sorry to hear your DD gave up. Has she given up dancing altogether?

Hi Lisa O'Brien thanks for your concern.

She has indeed given up dancing,, unfortunately I cannot put it down to not eating properly, lack of daylight hours etc but the confusion my dd is suffering would have manifested itself eventually.

It has been a an upsetting and worrying year. Dance has been part of her life since she was 2 years old.

The whole episode has changed my view of vocational training at such a young age , letting academics slide to some extent and don't get me started on the cost and sacrifices to family life. All that said  I do not begrudge her a penny  and am only interested in my daughters happiness and well being.

It does however bring a sadness ,she had a strong and natural talent and  I never had  any doubts that she would eventually work in her chosen career. To some extent I think we are all living vicariously through our young performers and of course their dreams become our dreams but they are young and can change their minds and with that all your hopes and dreams are gone .

My biggest regret for her is that she didn't feel she could return just to  finish the diploma.

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Vocational training post 16 is incredibly tough and my DD and her friends have had a lot of ups and downs. It's natural for doubt to creep in when you're permanently exhausted and things aren't going well in class for whatever reason. It takes a lot of strength to succeed in this path and just as much strength to know when to call it quits, especially at post 16 when it's more difficult to get back on an academic track. It's also difficult when most people outside the ballet environment don't have any idea of what is involved and only see the 'glamour'.

Hope you're DD is OK Dramascientist.

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I empathise here as my dd who is 11, has since starting secondary education (non voc), complains of feeling inadequate, unable to cope- symptoms manifesting as reclusiveness, stomach pains and vomiting. We've taken this down a gp route who has, after ruling out medical causes, made a paediatric referral to a psychologist - for support and counselling. We were reluctant about this, but she needs strategies to cope not only now but in her developing years. We hope that with counselling she can develop these skills. There is also a book called " when you worry too much: a child's guide". We've just ordered it from Amazon so can't comment yet if it helps but it was referred to me by a psychologist friend. No doubt you are worried sick, so wish you all well.

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Hairbelles - good luck to your daughter, I am sure after a period of 'healing' she will find a new passion. When I had to stop dancing just between upper school and professional contracts, I thought my life would never be the same again. True, it was different but I can look back now and not regret a moment of what went before. However, I cut out dancing entirely for quite a few years - not easy with a ballet teacher mother and best friends working on the industry. I would imagine my mum felt awful and as if she had lost her confidant as I just could not talk about ballet or go to watch a performance. My real healing came when my son started dancing (though he had to beg to let me send him) and I gradually could see it for its beauty again, instead of the hurt it had caused me. He also has quite a hard time from me as I have told him from the start the possible pitfalls and am an absolute stickler about his GCSE's. He's going in with his eyes WIDE open.

 

Happymoocow - I think we all feel the fear of phsychiatric involvement but as you say, it might be a way of giving your dd coping strategies. My youngest was not ready for senior school at all, but in year 8 I feel he has got over the worst. He told us yesterday that he used to smile all the time at primary school but that he can't do that at senior school as people can be so nasty! Sad part of growing up I feel, we make it our mission to make his home life very happy, with lots of outside interests he enjoys.

 

This parenting lark is very hard!!!

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Dramascientist, I hope yourdaughter recovers quickly at home and is able to return to the school very soon :) (have sent you a pm)

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Thankyou Harwel for your good wishes and sharing what sounds like a painful time for you .

It does help to hear when others have been and got through similar experiences .

Happymoocow hope your DDs anxiety gets better soon . I will look at ordering that book , DD2 is prone to spells of uncontrollable worry .

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Hairbelles,I wish your daughter all the very best for the future,in whatever she decides to do with her life.

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DH now in the UK after a stressful evening when his plane was cancelled! Luckily we live close to the airport so went up there, stood for an hour and a half in a queue but managed to get new flights. We felt very sorry for those people who hadn't heard about the cancellation and were standing in a queue at 5.30 am this morning! Once he gets there and sees herI am sure we will both feel better, we just didn't want her to travel alone in her state of mind. Though the cost of booking flights this close before you fly means all of us might be living in bread and chese for the rest of the month

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Dramascientist, I hope all is well with your DD, what a worry for you all, made worse by the stress of your DH having his flight cancelled I am sure!

 

The period after half term is such a difficult time. The initial excitement and newness has worn off, homesickness creeps in and then you get to go home at half term which feels great but very difficult when you have to go back to school again.

 

I don't know where you're from but I was in a similar situation as a British student in a school abroad and I agree with what Swan Princess said about calling home at the lowest points, making it seem to our parents that we're always feeling like that when in fact we have other moments when we are enjoying it so much that we don't even think about calling home!

 

Hugs to you and to anyone else going through similar things.

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I danced with a company in Germany and was ridiculously homesick for a 19 year old.  I remember I started in January and stayed there till the summer before being able to come home. Joining in the middle of the season I found it hard to fit in.  I was soooo homesick and alone.  Eventually I gave in and phoned my father and cried desperately to him.  Poor man didn't know what to do or say in the three minutes I was able to afford on the pay phone (no skype,viber, WhatsApp etc etc then - no mobiles either!).  Eventually he told me to go and visit the AD of the company.  I remember standing outside the AD's apartment and when he opened the door, I simply started crying even more desperately.  Bless the man, he brought me in and calmed me down, shared his meal with me - even gave me a tot of of alcohol.  He and his girlfriend were amazing.  Thanks to them I got through the first months.  Then I went home for the summer.  I had an enchanted time with my darling family and at the end I visited with my sister and her two toddlers, who lived in Belgium then.  The night before I left for the company, I cried all evening.  My exasperated brother in law asked me quite logically - If you are so unhappy, why are you going back?  And of course I wailed "Because I have to dance" !   The day I arrived back there was a welcome party for the company and there were several newbies with whom I forged an instant friendship and my life turned around again. 

 

We dancers put ourselves through hell to achieve our goal of becoming a pro dancer.  Going away at any age from the security of home can be really difficult for some and certainly not easy for any child.  As parents we worry if we're doing the right thing, but there really isn't any way of knowing in advance.  I hope you get it sorted out for all your sakes and send good wishes across the miles.

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I hope things improve soon dramascientist. I'm sure everyone here is thinking of you at what must be a hugely stressful time for the whole family. Hope the return flights go more smoothly and that they are both soon safely home.

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Dramascientist - hope you are all OK.  

 

Lots of us have had "moments" which have made us question whether we should allow our dc to go and fend for themselves at such a young age.  

 

Think we should all order one of these for them: www.notonthehighstreet.com/leelu/product/little-bag-of-happiness

 

Would be fab if they worked :) and cured all. 

 

The link hasn't worked!! Not sure how to do that!

Edited by Millie3
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Think we should all order one of these for them: www.notonthehighstreet.com/leelu/product/little-bag-of-happiness

 

 

The link hasn't worked!! Not sure how to do that!

 

http://www.notonthehighstreet.com/leelu/product/little-bag-of-happiness

 

I copied it and pasted into my browser an it was fine.  Hopefully this will auto link  Just realised the software may not recognise it as a link if the http:// is missing at the front.

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