Djaamila

Hello everyone I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place, I'm new here, but since it's a ballet themed forum I thought you could give me some advice... So here's my story. I'm Djamila and I'm 15. I have practiced hip hop for five years now. So far, when I heard about ballet, I imagined little girls twirling on the tip of their toes in pink tutus lol. My friends and I have laughed a lot talking about it, mocking the other girls of our age that could do something as ridiculous as that! But last week, I was at the gala of my local dance club where I do hip hop, and for the first time we were together with the girls from ballet classes. During our preparations, they looked as silly as I though they would, prancing around in their colored tutus and slippers, talking about girly things like make up or hairspray, looking all uptight in their pink tights. I didn't pay them much attention, just making a few jokes about them with the other hip hop dancers. During the evening, I did my part of the gala and then went in the public to watch the rest. That's when I saw the ballet part. And, I don't know why it happened, but I felt like... totally hypnotized by it! The girls entered onstage, looking otherworldly in their outfits with their hair in a bun and shiny diadems on their heads, a beautiful smile on their face, and formed two ranks before starting to dance. The performance was so amazng! I could not describe exactly what they did, partly because I don't know the ballet-words for it, and partly because I felt like I was in the clouds during the whole thing. When it ended I felt like in a daze, my head full of frilly skirts and shiny diadems and pink ribbons - and I continued to feel like that for the rest of the evening and during the following days. I tried to talk about the ballet performance to my friends from hip hop, but they just laughed while saying how ridiculous it was, mimicking some moves from the choreography, so I just laughed along and said nothing. Now I can't get this moment out of my head, and a part of me wonders what it would feel like to be one of those girls on stage, wearing a white tutu with tights and slippers, my hair in a bun and a wide smile on my face, looking pure and graceful and doll-like. But another part of me just dies of shame at this idea, fearing what my friends would say if they saw me scantily-clad like that or knowing that I practice such a girly and ridiculous thing. Literally, I'm feeling this shame gnawing me right now xP Sooo... I don't know what to do. I can't talk about it with my friends or my family because they might laugh at me if they knew what I feel. I don't even know why I feel like that... I have never been a girly girl, and usually I'm not into pink or delicate or frilly things : I like hip hop, basket ball, and skateboard. I haven't worn a skirt for years. But I know we change a lot at my age, and I've always been so easily influenced... For the past few days I have been looking at pictures of ballerinas in tutus on the Internet and even searched some online shops for dancewear. It's like an obsession. Do you think it will pass, or that I should try out ballet? Does this kind of thing happens a lot? Sorry for the very, very long text, and thank you for reading it - I really needed to express that :) Thank you!