Lisa O`Brien Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) Well here I am again,on yet another diet. I used to be naturally skinny until I reached the age of 15 then developed a ravenous appetite from out of nowhere. Neither me nor my mum understood much about healthy eating for dancers,so I used to stuff my face with cheese sandwiches every day. Lots of them. My love of bread and cheese has stayed with me throughout my adult life. Miss Urdang told me I needed to lose weight before I started there in the September,which I did,but the whole eating fruit and eating healthily idea was never my thing. Managed to keep my weight down,just about ,while in Paris. Then in Japan one of the other dancers suggested[correctly] that I ate far too much bread, cheese and pasta and that this was preventing me from losing weight. So I cut them out completely and the weight dropped off me. However I always felt deprived of my favourite,lovely carbs and I was pleased when I stopped dancing to be able to come off my diet and to be able to eat anything I wanted,whenever I wanted. And boy,did I do just that.!! In just over 3 years of stopping dancing my weight ballooned from eight and a half stones to twelve stones. Working nights didn`t help,as I was eating at all sorts of weird hours. Up and up the weight kept on creeping. When my son Sean was born in 1997 I must have weighed nearly 15 stones. Now,I`m tall so I can carry it,sort of,but i`m not THAT tall. I`m 5FT 7 IN,so 15 stones was way too heavy. Coupled with smoking 30 Roll Ups a day I was in a really bad way. Hypnotherapy only worked temporarily. I lost 6 stones. But a year later I had piled it back on again.And then some. A few years later I joined Slimming World. I wanted to be given the award of Slimmer of The Week every week, so I was determined to lose weight to be given the award[and the free fruit] every week. It became kind of embarrassing as I was awarded it almost on a weekly basis. I`m sure all the other women in the group were getting fed up of me hogging the limelight. Then disaster struck. I suffer from a lifelong psychological condition called Social Phobic Disorder. I was finally diagnosed with it by a Psychiatrist in 2004. But I reckon I have had it since I was 15. Because it wasn`t dealt with back then when I was a teenager I was told there is no cure for it and I will have this condition for the rest of my life. It`s all to do with ,as an adult,my personality and temperament being set,and nothing being able to be done to alter that. Anyway,something really trivial happened at the Slimming World group one day,where attention was brought to me. I came home and burst into tears. I was so upset,and almost traumatised by it that I never went back to the group. I am also a little bit agrophobic. I prefer,if I can to not leave the house,or socialise with people. [One of the things which is so appealing to me about this Forum is the fact that I feel "safe" being on here.I am not likely to meet anyone in "real" life. So I left Slimming World because of a stupid stupid thing[the group leader asked me to take the ladies weights and note them down one week as she was really stuck. I didn`t want to let her down,so I agreed. There were all these people,lining up to be weighed by me. It was completely overwhelming,having all these people "coming at me",and me having to smile,and chatter with them all and appear "normal". I was relieved when the 2 groups had finished. Until my friend mentioned something that made me realise she thought I had taken on the role permanently ever week. I burst into tears at the thought of it. So, I made my excuses ,and never went back. I felt I couldn`t even go back as a regular customer of hers as I felt as though I had let her down. So,the weight crept back up again. I have lovely neighbours either side of me.On one side are 2 men. Father and son. The son must be about 50 and the father in his 80`s. They kept on leaving huge,family sized creme cakes outside the front door for me,along with teabags and a few other things. It was really lovely of them. Now I know I should have kindly refused the creme cakes,[i don`t even really like them!],but I didn`t. My son absolutely hates creme. So guess who used to eat all the cake ?Yep,me and the cat.! There must have been one full sized creme cake every week. I know I should have handed it back. Or thrown it away. But I didn`t. I have been to Overeaters Anonymous. I used to go quite regularly and found it really beneficial.But like so many things in my life,the Social Phobia overrides everything else. Having to sit in a small group and talk about oneself and how one is powerless over food was ,to me,like pulling teeth. I did go back again about 8 months ago. Was determined to have a different,more positive attitude towards the group and not let my phobia rule me. Sadly there were only 2 people there,me and another woman. One of the other OA members who I knew had been off for months due to ill health. It was almost impossible to get anything positive from the meetings with just me and another woman there and no one else. The whole point of a group like that is to support each other and learn from one another. A bit difficult when there are only 2 of you in the room every week. More weight piled on.More not leaving the house. Oh,I suffer from lifelong depression as well,so add that into the mix too.! Now here I am yet again.My weight is way higher than the 15 stones it was previously. 6 weeks ago I started at a group called Slim 4 Life. The only reason I joined this group instead of the old Slimming World group I used to attend is because a friend of mine has recently set up this business,and I wanted to support her. I have lost one and a half stone in the last 6 weeks,so I am heading in the right direction. It`s not that I find losing weight impossible. I have lost 6 stones twice before on two separate occasions. It is keeping it off. I now realise that it will be pointless me reaching my target then buggering off for a year from the slimming group. I will just be back to square one. It has happened twice before,exactly like this. I now realise that even when I reach my ideal weight I will still have to turn up every Monday to be weighed,for the rest of my life. I now know this is the only way I stand a chance of maintaining a healthy weight once the actual dieting has come to an end. Sorry if this has been way too long.Congratulations if you read it all the way through.! I will keep you all posted. Edited March 18, 2015 by thequays Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidblue Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Good luck! I hope you manage to keep going. x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahw Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Hi thequays Good luck! At least you have total insight and that makes it easier. X 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 Thank you. I had a bit of a disaster last night. I had already had my dinner [2 small baked potatoes with a small amount of Low Low Light spread,then a large tin of Heinz Reduced Sugar and Salt Baked Beans poured over them]. I was full. I was making my son Sean some cheese on toast around 9.30 pm.Normally if I make him some it doesn`t bother me. I am a total cheese and bread addict,and I have not had a single slice of bread or piece of cheese in the last 6 or 7 weeks. Well last night I cut myself one thick slice of cheese,ate it,then had another. Then another. And I couldn`t stop. It was a major full fat Cheddar cheese overdose.!! I felt so angry and upset with myself afterwards. I was like,"What the hell have I just done? I`m such an idiot". Felt really crappy for a while and thought about nipping out to the shop around the corner and buying myself a huge chocolate cake. But I didn`t. I watched the wonderful[and gorgeous] Professor Brian Cox in Stargazing Live and the update,then went to bed. Feel so much more positive today. Yes,I realise when I get weighed on Monday there might be a weight gain. But I have had my wobble and feel ready to get back on track again today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Today is a new day. Well done for not buying the cake xx 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 Thanks Tulip.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahw Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Well done thequays - a small setback but nothing more and you turned it into a victory by not getting the cake! Maybe you could ask Sean to prepare his own food if it's stuff you're trying to avoid? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) Well done thequays - a small setback but nothing more and you turned it into a victory by not getting the cake! Maybe you could ask Sean to prepare his own food if it's stuff you're trying to avoid? Oh how I wish,Sarah !! Other than going to college Sean is bone idle. I`m actually getting sick and tired of fetching and carrying for him. He`s 18 now. Should be able to make his own cheese on toast,or wash the dishes occasionally to help out. But no.!! Of course it`s my fault for doing everything for him. I`m sure it`s one of the reasons he`s not ready to go to Uni. Unless he could take his personal servant [i.e.Me] with him. Edited March 21, 2015 by thequays Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahw Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Maybe now is time for him to change? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fonty Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Poor you, I hope you are successful. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harwel Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Keep going! You can do it. I think not going for that cake was a massive success. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidblue Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Everyone has a wobble sometimes. Forget it and move on. And believe me, if your son was hungry enough he'd get up and make his own food. Think of it as preparing him to fend for himself and try saying no. xx 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Good for you and good luck. Could you treat yourself to a bit of cheese on toast or a slice of cake in a café/bakery once in a while ? Just an idea, but then maybe you wouldn't feel you were completely depriving yourself, but at the same time you wouldn't have that big chunk of cheese or chocolate cake waiting for you in the fridge ! x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 I think this would be a good idea Ellie. If I deprive myself completely it`s more than likely i`ll "fall off the wagon" so to speak.! Maybe if I restrict myself to bread and cheese twice a week and one bar of chocolate once a week or something like that, it will be more realistic. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 By the way,had a chat with Sean this morning,about him becoming more independent and fending for himself a little bit more. I told him now he is 18 he should start making his own cheese on toast or a sandwich or noodles for lunch or when he comes in from college and wants something before his dinner later on. I told him I wasn`t being nasty,but that it was for his own good,so he can start to become more independent,and more like an adult. He said he understood where I was coming from,but that he was too lazy to want to make himself cheese on toast or whatever and can`t be bothered. Then he said,"So I guess this means I`ll never eat cheese on toast again then". Of course,he was waiting for me to give in ,feel sorry for him and make it for him but I didn`t. I didn`t say a word,except that if there was anything he wanted me to show him how to make if he wasn`t sure then all he had to do was ask and I would show him. He snapped,"I`m not stupid,I know howto make cheese on toast and my own noodles,I`m not a kid". Then he sulked [like a kid !!] off to his room. He`ll get over it,and thank me for it ,one day. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidblue Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Well done you! Now you just have to stick to your guns and not give in when he complains he's hungry. If he really is hungry he'll find himself something, he may be too lazy to make cheese on toast but he definitely won't starve! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 You`re right, orchidblue. He got himself 2 Weetabix for his lunch rather than making his beloved cheese on toast,as the cereal was the easier option ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidblue Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 And weetabix is the healthier option so win win. Eventually he'll stop just choosing the easy option too. Stay strong. x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahw Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Well done thequays - stick to your guns. I think increasing the independence of kids who stay at home is much harder than for those who leave suddenly to go to uni etc. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I think a major part of Sean not wanting to go to Uni is the very fact that I have spent his entire life running after him like a headless chicken. And continue to do so,effectively. I suppose it`s partly because there is just the two of us. I`ve no doubt if I had a husband/partner and a few more kids things would have been very different. He says he is not ready to go because he is shy,but I think he likes mummy fussing over him too much too. Hopefully, he is about in a few months to finish this course. He wants to continue at our same local college in September to do a higher education course for the next two years [a HND]. Then if he completes that,he can go into the final year of a degree to finish it off.[Although again,he could stay at home and do it part time with the Open University]. By then he will be 20,and I hope a heck of a lot more independent . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I`m off to my diet group tonight. Feeling a bit apprehensive after the cheese episode.Although it might not show up on the scales until next week. I`ve been trying to pull things back since my binge ,to make up for my naughtiness.! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballettaxi Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Don't stress about it 'thequays', I'd say everyone falls off the wagon at some point - we're all human. And if you adopt the approach of having your cheese and bread as an occasional treat then you'll enjoy it all the more as it won't feel like a disappointment that you had it. Whenever I muster the will power to diet I make sure I have my special treats in the cupboard as I know that if I don't have them available for when I 'need' them (bad day at work etc) then I will just not stop eating everything else in sight - but if my treats are there ready for me I'll pick one of them and savour the pleasure of it (I've been known to make a chocolate biscuit last up to an hour!). Good luck tonight. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Well I`m back from the slimming group.My first day there was 19th January,and I have lost nearly 2 stones. Around a stone a month.Which is great. There`s a problem I find with this group though. My friend who has just started running this Slim4Life group only has classes on a Monday. Monday every week is a "poor day" for me. I have no money until Wednesday,and try as I have been to put the money aside to pay for the following Monday I find it a real struggle each week to be able to afford it. It`s only £5.00, but my bus into Newry costs £1.30 there,and another £1.30 back. I know this sounds like a pittance,but that £7.60 each week, when I have barely any money left to buy a £1.00, 2 litres of milk,or keep the money aside for Sean to get the bus to and home from college each day,is a lot of money. A few times my friend has said it was ok to pay her double the following week when i had the money,but to be honest,paying double doesn`t help at all.!! I missed the last bus home by 5 minutes tonight [the last bus from Newry to our village is at 6.35] I must have just missed it. I didn`t have £6.00 to pay for a taxi home so I had no choice but to walk. OK,the exercise is badly needed and it wasn`t raining. But it is 4 miles,and it took me 2 hours to walk home, and I have 2 huge blisters developing on both my heels already because of it. I lost 2 pounds. All that way,all that expense [if you know what I mean],and all that effort and time to get home and I only lost 2 pounds. Last week was a similar expense and I only lost one and a half pounds. Yes, I am losing weight. Yes,I am doing it nice and slowly and gradually. But i`m wondering if I would be better off going back to a Slimming World group ,which is on several different days,and you can choose which one you want to go to. I`m assuming the idea for my friend is to expand beyond the 3 classes she currently has on a Monday to maybe different days as well,as more and more people hear about the group. The problem is,there are only about 6 or 7 of us each week at the group,so any notion of her expanding to include another day is,I think ,a long way off. Mean while every Monday is a financial struggle,just to as I said, be weighed to find out I`ve only lost 2 pounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan McNulty Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I understand what you mean about the finances TQ. I try to stay within my budget and the week before my payday I live out of the freezer usually!!! I guess you do not want to let your friend down and this is a real dilemma for you. Don't be disheartened though - you are doing really well. I think it is usual to have a slow down of weight loss after the initial weeks. The important thing is to keep on going and not give up. Think of how many calories you will have burned walking home. Would it be possible to consider walking home every week, especially now it is lighter in the evenings? It is such a good way of exercising and then you won't be stressing about missing the bus or the bus fare. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 In an ideal scenario Janet,yes it would be beneficial to walk home,both from an exercise and a financial point of view.But it is 4 miles,and it took me 2 hours,and both my feet have blisters on the heels now. Maybe 4 miles isn`t far to walk I don`t know. But for someone who is not used to it,trust me,it seemed like an eternity tonight.! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan McNulty Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 But you would get used to it. One of my good friends had to lose weight and started walking to help. She now walks up to 11 miles without difficulty. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 But you would get used to it. One of my good friends had to lose weight and started walking to help. She now walks up to 11 miles without difficulty. 11 miles? OMG I`d die LOL.!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunrise Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Do you have music, audiobooks or the radio to listen to when you walk, maybe on your phone? It can make long walks quite a lot of fun. ☺ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 That might be a good idea Sunrise. I`ve an old Walkman somewhere. I used to be very fit,even though I was overweight.Me and my ex boyfriend [he cheated on me with his ex partner,the scumbag !] used to walk for ages. Even mini hills. I have a great pair of hiking boots bought specifically for that purpose. I still wear them,but only when it`s raining,as my current pair of trainers have a hole in them and my feet get soaked. We actually walked up to the top of Camlough Mountain on Easter Sunday in 2011,which I can see from my living room window. It`s 425 metres high. I was very fit back then. The very next day I was taken ill. Turns out I had Gallstone Pancreatitis,and was admitted to hospital on 7 seperate occasions. I now have a huge scar [i had 28 staples] across my abdomen,where the Pancreatic surgeon not only removed my gallbladder but thoroughly "opened me up" to get a good look at the Pancreas too while I was under the knife. It`s a good job my Paris Showgirl days are long over,as it`s one hell of a scar !! But i`m digressing. Yes, listening to music while I walked WOULD be a good idea. Might give it a go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfbrew Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 That might be a good idea Sunrise. I`ve an old Walkman somewhere. I used to be very fit,even though I was overweight.Me and my ex boyfriend [he cheated on me with his ex partner,the scumbag !] used to walk for ages. Even mini hills. I have a great pair of hiking boots bought specifically for that purpose. I still wear them,but only when it`s raining,as my current pair of trainers have a hole in them and my feet get soaked. We actually walked up to the top of Camlough Mountain on Easter Sunday in 2011,which I can see from my living room window. It`s 425 metres high. I was very fit back then. The very next day I was taken ill. Turns out I had Gallstone Pancreatitis,and was admitted to hospital on 7 seperate occasions. I now have a huge scar [i had 28 staples] across my abdomen,where the Pancreatic surgeon not only removed my gallbladder but thoroughly "opened me up" to get a good look at the Pancreas too while I was under the knife. It`s a good job my Paris Showgirl days are long over,as it`s one hell of a scar !! But i`m digressing. Yes, listening to music while I walked WOULD be a good idea. Might give it a go. Go girl! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Just found something really funny on Youtube .Think it`s Spanish or Mexican,I`m not certain. It`s called Como Colocaruma Calca 34. https://youtu.be/Gc8ivzVR51E. It`s had lots of views,and i`m sure there are many women who can relate to it,whatever their size. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Just tried my own link and it doesn`t work.Terrific.! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan McNulty Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Try this one: Please just don't try this at home!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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