Does anyone else have weird neighbours?

[Tulip]

Take a photo of him, enlarge it and put it in your window where his wife may see it. Other than that send the photo by post addressed to his wife and explain how embarrassing it is, not only for you but also your son. He's clearly an idiot and he know he is winding you up.

[Melody]

I assume you didn't report this after the incidents in December? Now it's started up again, there's no reason not to report it unless you want it to keep happening. And as long as he's already violated your space by coming onto your property to leave that magazine, that seems to me to be crossing the borderline between being a harmless nutter and being a potential threat of some sort.

Edited April 5, 2015 by Melody

[LinMM]

Can the police be asked to get involved in this or does he have to reveal himself on your actual property or outside in the street before they can do anything.

 

As he is on his own property maybe it's difficult for them but in my view it is abuse of sorts.

It's easier when you have a partner as if push comes to shove they can always go round and man to man tell him it's time to stop.

 

Usually though "bullies" know exactly who to pick on and he probably knows you are on your own or he wouldn't do it.

 

If it is possible for the police to get involved though I would go that route now.

[Sunrise]

I agree, you shouldn't have to live like this. I wonder if it would be possible to get the police just to speak to this guy based on the evidence you have? Even if they can't do much more at this point, a stern talking to and the threat of charges might stop him.

[Regattah]

That's just reminded me, Sunrise! When I was 21 I lived very briefly with an upper middle class, respectable family in Gerrards Cross. Not long after I'd moved in, there were a series of incidents which made me worry about the man. The last one was when I arrived home fairly late one night to find him standing at the top of the stairs. He stood waiting and talking to me as I walked up the stairs. It was dark, but I could just make out that he was starkers. I locked myself in my room (his wife was away for the night) and the next day went to the police. The officer said he was going to take great pleasure in parking a marked panda car outside his house for all his neighbours to see and giving him a talking to. When I went back to get my stuff, his wife's reaction when I told her had been 'oh no, not again!' - as in, another stupid young girl complaining about nothing! So I hope that the attention I brought to it stopped him doing it to another unsuspecting woman.

[Melody]

It might be worth trying to take a discreet photo or two (although I know "discreet" is probably the wrong word, given the subject matter), so that you have some actual evidence in case the police do go round to his house to warn him and are met with "don't know what you're talking about, the silly woman is making it all up."

 

The thing I'm a bit worried about, though, is whether he might try some sort of reprisal if you escalate it to a police matter. That's one thing you should ask the police about if you do go to them for help.

Edited April 6, 2015 by Melody

[Regattah]

Even if the police are met with that response and even if they can't do anything about it yet, I do think you should tell them what's happened up to now. And then go back and tell them again if he carries on.

Edited April 6, 2015 by Regattah

[Lisa O`Brien]

I`m afraid to,folks.

[Anon2]

It is him that is in the wrong, don't be afraid. Call the 101 police number and explain what is happening. They will want to know - what if next week he starts exposing himself in the park to school girls?

All of us on here are behind you - you have the strength to call and speak to the police.

[Anna C]

I`m afraid to,folks.

That's what he's banking on. If you do nothing he will get more and more bold, to you and possibly to others. I know it's hard but you must seek help now in order to nip this in the bud.

[2dancersmum]

But don't take a photo of him!  As in the advice on page 1 of this thread, it could put you in the wrong - plus if he is aware it is taken it could egg him on further.

 

I know speaking to the police is scary but I really think you need to.  If phoning is too difficult, do you perhaps have a friend that could go with you for moral support? Does your son know what has been going on and how much this is upsetting you? I agree with Melody that you tell the police your fears for what happens next but I suspect that a quiet word from someone in authority might stop him - especially if his wife is made aware - as he does appear to be targeting you rather than just enjoying being naked in his own home.  Good luck

[Jacqueline]

I understand your fear, it is perfectly reasonable. I reported an incident last year and was afraid of reprisals. As it turned out, the other party, wholly predictably, denied everything, tried to make me out to be neurotic and a liar and turned on the tears for extra special effect. All this was reported back to me for a comment, as though I had to justify my complaint and prove it.

This made me so angry that it gave me strength to pursue the matter, despite it dragging on and there being times I wanted to say oh, just forget it. What kept me going as well, was the thought that what happened to me could happen to somebody else and the knowledge that people like this rely on their 'victims' doing nothing for fear of reprisal. She tried to make out she was scared of me! 

As for the behavior you are being subjected to, let's hope a visit from the law will stop him in his pathetic tracks. As has been said, if you do nothing, he will see this as your compliance, either that you are too scared to take action or, heaven forbid, you are enjoying the display. In any case, he will almost certainly deny it and make out you are lying/neurotic/secretly fancy him and so on.

You may even discover he has form in which case, it will be a police matter and out of your hands. Whichever it is, you must report it for your own sake. Nobody has the right to make you uncomfortable and afraid in your own home.

[Melody]

TheQuays, if you're afraid to go to the police for help, what are you looking for by starting this thread? Just confirmation from the rest of us that you shouldn't have to put up with this behavior, while resigning yourself to doing exactly that? I'm not trying to be accusing or anything, I'm just wondering. I know it's a horrible situation to be in, but it obviously isn't going to resolve itself from what you've said about recent developments.

 

Is there some other organization you'd feel more comfortable with going to?

Edited April 7, 2015 by Melody

[Anna C]

At the very *least* this is harassment. I suggest you make written notes on everything that has happened, with dates and approximate times if you can. Even if he denies everything when the Police speak to him, it will fire a warning shot across his bow and he'll know that you're not prepared to turn a blind eye.

[alison]

At the very *least* this is harassment. I suggest you make written notes on everything that has happened, with dates and approximate times if you can. Even if he denies everything when the Police speak to him, it will fire a warning shot across his bow and he'll know that you're not prepared to turn a blind eye.

Yes, I think we said this earlier on. Use this thread as a reminder if you need to.

 

You implied that he'd stopped for a while - or was it just that you weren't in a position to see? If the former, do you have any idea why? 

[Balletfanp]

Definitely don't take a photo - as someone else has said, it could put you in the wrong.

 

Could you use this thread as evidence? If everyone agrees, that is? I think everyone is pretty much anonymous on here - or names could be blanked out? Only the police would see it anyway.

[Sunrise]

TQ, I can understand your fears. I think the police will be sympathetic and can give you a better idea on what action can be taken next, if that's what you want. Speaking to your son or a friend about this for moral support is a good idea, and remember that we're all supporting you here as well.

[Yorkshire Pud]

I agree with Sunrise TQ you need some moral support. Speak to your next door neighbours and his neighbours TODAY!! If you are all overlooking each other like you say then you cannot be the only person to have witnessed this unacceptable behaviour. It is amazing how much more confident you will feel in confronting him if a few of you complain together - and DO speak to his wife!! She might just be the one who can put an end to this. If this doesn't work then you must report him to the police. He is sexually harrassing you in your own home!!

[Legseleven]

You must report this, thequays, because as I said before this behaviour is escalating and you simply don't know where it will end. You don't know if this man has a history of this kind of behaviour or, God forbid, of something worse. I remember reading that 'flashers' who expose themselves in public can often go on to much more serious and physical sexually-based offences, especially if nothing is done about their 'flashing'; presumably that plants the idea that this is ok and may encourage them to be bolder....

 

If you are frightened of possible reprisals, tell the police exactly that and ask what they intend to do about your complaint and how they propose to protect you. As you are a single woman and your neighbour is targeting you specifically when you and he are both alone in your homes, the police will certainly understand your concerns. Being frightened of what he or his wife could possibly do - when they know that the police are aware of your complaint - can't be any worse than being frightened of what he will do next can it?

 

If you haven't kept a list of incidents then I second Balletfanp's suggestion of using this thread as evidence. No-one uses their real name on it and if you would feel better you could even erase the user names and just present it as a detailed thread about what your neighbour was doing on what date. 

 

Please, please speak to the police and take your son or a friend with you as support. This man is making you frightened - or at the very least, uneasy - about being in your own home and you mustn't let him do that. Sending you a big hug xx

[LinMM]

I'm not sure anonymous evidence can be accepted by the police.

 

But if you want my real name then I'm happy to PM you with it!

 

Once you've involved the police and especially if he denies it then you can ask them about taking photos for evidence if it should continue.

He may well be harmless but he knows it's not right that's for sure and I too would consider this some sort of harassment.

The thing is if you do nothing he may well start to think you like him doing it.

 

Be very careful approaching his wife if you were to do that and don't know her at all ......it's not her fault her husband is doing this and she may well be very shocked to discover he is

If she does know about it then she will probably only take his side.

It is a difficult one this.

If he does do it at a similar time each day maybe a police officer could be sent to your house so they can see for themselves what is happening before confronting him.

[Jan McNulty]

I think approaching any other neighbours who overlook his house (discretely of course) could be a good idea.

 

Some years ago friends of mine were being harassed by a delinquent teenager whose family moved in opposite them.  It was only after a really serious incident that the police were involved and took action.  On speaking of the event to neighbours it became obvious that several homes had been targetted by this girl but it was only when it got out of hand that people realised more than one home had been involved.

[Anna C]

The Police will most likely speak to the other neighbours to see if anyone else has noticed this man's behaviour.

[Legseleven]

I too am happy to PM you my name and contact details if required, thequays. However, you could just compile a list of what he was doing and when from this thread without any need to identify other forum members. The police will certainly look at that list of events and you wouldn't even need to say it was compiled by using this thread as an aide memoire.

 

Thinking of you and sending you virtual hugs! Please take care and involve the police, this is very abnormal behaviour and he may take 'inaction' from you as a sign that you enjoy what he is doing - ugh.

[Yorkshire Pud]

I too am happy to PM you my name and contact details if required, thequays. However, you could just compile a list of what he was doing and when from this thread without any need to identify other forum members. The police will certainly look at that list of events and you wouldn't even need to say it was compiled by using this thread as an aide memoire.

 

Thinking of you and sending you virtual hugs! Please take care and involve the police, this is very abnormal behaviour and he may take 'inaction' from you as a sign that you enjoy what he is doing - ugh.

[capybara]

I just want to tell you that acting on a hunch i had when visiting a youth club many years ago resulted in a huge can of quite dreadful worms being uncovered and acted upon. In the case of Jimmy Savile, everyone who suspected something was amiss chose not to say anything and he surely became more brazen and harmful in consequence. Perverted behaviour must surely develop from relatively small beginnings.

 

Please be brave and share your concerns with the Police.

[taxi4ballet]

Your neighbour is a pervert and needs to be stopped.

 

I don't see a problem in taking a photo as evidence at all. If you just so happen to 'take a picture of the lovely flowers in the vase on your windowsill' and he is caught in the background of the shot...

 

If you really can't bring yourself to do that then perhaps you could find out when his wife is next working, and invite one of your other neighbours round for coffee or whatever (or ideally someone from your local church or council) so that you can get an independent witness.

[aileen]

If you speak to the police they will tell you (1) whether your neighbour is committing an offence (2) what you should do about collecting evidence against him and (3) whether he presents a danger to you or anyone else.

[Balletfanp]

Good advice Aileen. Let the police decide what ought to be done.

[annaliesey]

Oh dear Thequays I hope this didn't put you off your easter roast! What a weirdo!

 

I understand you're afraid and I would be too who knows what to do for the best?!

 

But this thread shows a long standing history of events and I can't help think this is a kind of grooming with you as a target because he is testing your reactions. Everything he is doing is to see if he can get away with it or whether you will shrug it off or accept it because you have little choice. In his twisted mind he's playing games with you and getting a thrill somewhere along the line.

 

I agree with others you do need to go to the police if anything, just get advice

 

And slam your door shut, draw your blinds, and send a clear message that you won't be paying attention to him! I know you shouldn't have to live like this but for now, with the nicer weather coming and him playing games, I'd avoid any visual contact

 

Good luck, hugs and happy to pm my name etc too if that helps x

[alison]

And slam your door shut, draw your blinds, and send a clear message that you won't be paying attention to him! I know you shouldn't have to live like this but for now, with the nicer weather coming and him playing games, I'd avoid any visual contact

 

It sounds as though she's been doing that, Annaliese :

 

It`s been lovely the last few months. The blinds have been permanently closed in their back bedroom,and ,just to be on the safe side,I have kept mine permanently closed too. 

[Lisa O`Brien]

Thanks annaliesey."All`s Quiet On The Western Front" as the saying goes .  I have a net curtain up at the bathroom window now so I can`t see him ,nor he me when I`m in the bathroom anymore. Will see what happens over the next few months. I feel sorry for his wife,she seems like such a nice woman. But I cannot and will not keep quiet if things start up again, simply to stop her from getting upset. Will keep you all posted if there are any new developments [which means that hopefully you`ll NOT hear me mention anything again.!!!]

[annaliesey]

Sorry I was referring to recent post 4/4/15 about not having to shut back door whilst cooking

[MAB]

I know this sounds odd, but have you thought of planting leylandii?  Fastest growing things in a garden, plant a couple of those and you'll have a natural barrier .