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Kat09

One last post ....

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Thank you to you and your daughter, Kat.  It is so important for us to hear these personal stories.  

I agree Millie3, that it would be great to see a thread on life after vocational training!

 

I believe that a vocational school's focus on attracting the best and accompanying need to assess people out is a fundamental conflict of interest with a commitment to pastoral care.  

 

My dd is doing part-time training combined with homeschooling.  Friends are doing Distance Ed.  Luckily for me we were already into this style of education before ballet became a big factor in her life.  I am viewing our participation in dance (intense) as just another alternative schooling path - that allows her to pursue her individual skills and preferred style of learning.  Whether she joins a company or not is irrelevant to the value I see in the path we are taking.  That is my bottom line. 

 

Boarding away from home is not an option for us.  Her support systems are here.  Great teachers are here.  I could be tested on this when she hits 16 and certain ballet schools look to be the only way into certain companies.  You sure have to be careful what you wish for!  I hope my daughter will view herself as a talented dancer and performer plus , plus.  Not 'a ballet dancer' fullstop

 

Bravo to Kat's daughter who is someone that is able to: write, stimulate important conversations, share personal stories to help others and so much more. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Kat09 I’m so sorry to hear that your beautiful, talented daughter has suffered so much over the last few years. She is so strong sharing her story and starting the conversation as all of us that have been in the system unfortunately know her’s isn’t an unique experience. 

Wishing you both all the best as she finds her new path. 

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Thank you for sharing your dd’s story. It’s so sad when our lovely, talented young people don’t get the support they need, whether that’s in the dance world or elsewhere. I’ve heard many stories in the past few months about dancers who are moving on from their original dance path choice, some because injury or health has forced it, and some because they have decided dance is no longer what they want to do. It’s made me realise that the path my Dd is currently on must be navigated in small steps, one phase at a time. Whilst we have an eye on an end goal, we also now talk regularly about every next step decision and acknowledge that it may be necessary or desirable to step off the path at any time. There are so many amazing opportunities for motivated, talented young people, all of which may lead to a happy and fulfilled life.

I hope your Dd finds a new path which leads to happiness and joy throughout the rest of her life. 

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Thank you @Kat09 for sharing such a personal experience.  The dance world is tough and cruel and I am so sorry your dd had to experience it at its worst.  She is certainly not alone and with the support of a loving family she will again find her passion and regain her self esteem.  

 

I picked up a very distraught boy from school last week - heart breaking - I was all prepared to cut ties with dance on the spot but today he is back at school as he insisted.  I am on very high alert!! 

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4 minutes ago, Harwel said:

Thank you @Kat09 for sharing such a personal experience.  The dance world is tough and cruel and I am so sorry your dd had to experience it at its worst.  She is certainly not alone and with the support of a loving family she will again find her passion and regain her self esteem.  

 

I picked up a very distraught boy from school last week - heart breaking - I was all prepared to cut ties with dance on the spot but today he is back at school as he insisted.  I am on very high alert!! 

Thanks Harwel - high alert is a horrible place to be especially over an extended timeframe - I hope that all settles quickly for your lovely son xx

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My heart goes out to you and your beautiful talented daughter who me and my dd remember from YBSS. We wish her health and happiness for the future 😘❤️

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Kat09, all the very best to your very beautiful girl in whichever path she follows. I have such mixed feelings about an industry which covets ‘the look, one look’ over everything, despite talent. It is not progressive and does not always treat young people well.  I hope she thrives going forward. x

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Dear Kat,

Your daughter is a very brave young lady, and so are you and your family for being such good support to her and for sharing her pain.  I do hope that she gets better very soon, and that going forward she will thrive and be happy and healthy.  Please pop in from time to time and let us know how she (and you) are getting on.  Very best of everything to you, your amazing girl, and your whole family.

 

Sim xx

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6 hours ago, Kat09 said:

Thanks Harwel - high alert is a horrible place to be especially over an extended timeframe - I hope that all settles quickly for your lovely son xx

Thank you! X

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Kat09, your daughter is extremely brave - and extremely eloquent - and I have no doubt that she will, with your continuing support, be successful in whatever she chooses to do. I’m so sorry that her ballet dream has ended for now and in the way she envisaged it unfolding and that she didn’t receive the support she should have received from her vocational school. Sending you both huge virtual hugs and I hope that dance continues to play some part in your lives if you would like it to do so xxx

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Thank you to all - so many lovely messages of support . This is a special forum - keep treating each other with kindness - I will be dropping in from time to time - maybe my addiction is balletcoforum 😛 xxx

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On a very last note - I’m staying here (for the ticket news ;)) if anyone needs a friendly shoulder - somewhere to offload without judgement - I am here - do feel free to send me a pm - I really have walked in your shoes . Best wishes Kat 

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We would really miss you if you went. So many Ballet Co friends have left because their children no longer dance and I miss them. We’ve all been on this wonderful forum for so long and shared our hopes and fears together that it seems like a close family group. 

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Posted (edited)

How I feel for you, Kat! My DD is in her last year of competitions, and possibly of dancing. She's in Year 10 and wants to focus on academics next year. We have gone from the 'talented but...' stage to her re-affirming that she didn't want a dance career. It was really after reading posts on here that I made a point of 'giving her permission' to stop. We never set out expecting her to do as well as she has, but reading others' experiences made me realise how we parents can be so proud of our DC's talent and run with it – to auditions, competitions, extra classes, intensives – and some of our DC get caught up in it all without ever checking if it's what they want.

 

I'm also aware of that perfectionist in most talented dancers, that so easily translates into abuse of their bodies as they try to control them in that search for impossible standards. I watch my DD all the time for signs – but also remember how secretive I was in my teens!

Now I am slowly getting used to the idea of her dancing coming to an end, while encouraging her to keep up a recreational class or two next year. I've started selling her costumes, and have also taken up adult ballet again after stopping when I was pregnant with DD aged 40. My poor body doesn't know what's hit it and it is HARD. But it's my way of keeping up some contact with the dance world, in my own way. This forum is another way, and I also encourage parents to keep popping in, even if their DC have stopped dancing. I wish you all well.

 

PS: Just wanted to add that none of my post is aimed at anyone else. I'm aware of some of the mistakes I've made, but also know that we all want our DC to be happy and fulfilled and healthy. So I'm not criticising anyone except myself for getting carried away for a while!

Edited by Cara in NZ
Add PS/disclaimer!
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Posted (edited)

Thanks Cara - I’m so sad that I will never see my daughter dance again however that pales Into insignificance when I dare to think that I might see and enjoy her being happy and healthy xxx

Edited by Kat09
Spelling!!
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Never say never Kat! She seems an incredibly brave young lady, and like so many people have said ballet has that way of pulling you back in when you least expect it. Once you love it, I believe you will always love it, whatever bumps, crashes and hiccups you meet along the way. 

 

Watch her in the kitchen or as she goes about day to day chores, ballet never ever leaves you, it might not be a full scale production, there might not be a tutu or a tiara, but she will still dance- we all do, it is so embodied in us! My brother quit a number of years back, he just grew out of it, but he still whacks out a few pirouettes while he waits for the kettle to boil or when he’s being a big kid on the trampoline there’s always ballet jumps and beats. 

 

Wishing you both well!

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I'm starting to think of ballet* as a bridge - it's an arch that sets off, rises and then falls.

 

But it has it's own unique path leading there, will have it's own unique curve, unique height, unique gradient and it's also leading on somewhere new.

 

 

*or any other art form

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Kat09 I wish you and your daughter all the best. It is a very moving blog. I am sorry you've had such a traumatic experience. 

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10 hours ago, sarahw said:

Kat09 I wish you and your daughter all the best. It is a very moving blog. I am sorry you've had such a traumatic experience. 

Thank you sarahw x

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Kat09 I want to wish you, your daughter and whole family the very best of luck and good health for the future. Please pop back in to the Forum from time to time. ( I'm not on here as much myself anymore either).x

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❤️ 

 

This hits too close to home for many words, but though I have never met either of you, I truly wish you and your daughter peace and health, in whatever way that comes. I know what these things do to brains and wish all the best in recovery. Her openness and honest writing now bring light to an area too often hidden in shame, and that in itself is a wonderful and powerful thing. 

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