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rowan

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hi thequays

my daughter does not attend them schools anymore. i took her out as soon as this started

i put a complaint in

and her school was nearly closed down as they found other problems

i then started a different school and the same thing started again

this went on for 3 years

we have attended lots of school

because i stand up for my daughter and complain word gets out and they make us leave

as they are frightened i will close there school down

my dd attends a school who is nice to her but is terrible to me

the only reason i am not leaving is because my dd is happy and is smiling for the first time in years from all

this abuse

i do agree with everything you are saying i did leave and if it happens again i will do the same

i have complained gone to the papers phoned the police

no one will have my dd anymore because i made a stand as you said i needed a kick up my backside

well i have had plenty of them and i look forward too more

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Stardancer, no offence, but do you think that there could be any chance that you are perhaps "sticking up for your daughter" too much, or in the wrong way? Obviously some of the behaviours you mention that your DD has experienced are completely unacceptable and I too would have removed my daughter from that environment.

 

But to have had fallen out with so many teachers, you are either incredibly unlucky where you live, or....no offence meant...but could the way you tackle these issues be partly to blame? Do you think there are any instances where you've may have come across as a little aggressive at all?

 

 

 

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Think it all boils down to how you deal with situations and if you come over as confrontational then you are going to ruffle a few feathers and I am afraid you will not endear yourself to people. This will have a negative effect on your daughter too, in the long run.

 

We ALL want the best for our dancing offspring, but we need to remember that the teachers just want the best for them too. It is maybe time to step back and have a look at how you, as a parent, may be behaving towards the staff and others?

 

F x

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Hmmmm not sure I would agree that all teachers want what is best for the child. I have experienced good and bad teachers and I have to say that there are some nasty ones out there. For me, the best thing to do if things are not working out with a school is to move on quietly. The dancing world is very small, yes I know some tyrants get away with their behaviour, but until ALL parents stand up to them, then the behaviour will continue anyway. I know its the cowardly option but my childs welfare will always come first.

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I agree Primrose, but I also agree with how small the ballet world is. I'm sure the last thing any of us would want is to jeopardise our child's dancing future by potentially angering or offending someone they may come across elsewhere!

 

Obviously if any teacher, whether in an academic school or dance school behaves in an unacceptable manner, we should and would all make our feelings known and "stick up" for our child. I'm just saying that there are usually ways of doing so which hopefully wouldn't impact on our children.

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Gosh I think I made myself sound a bit selfish in my post. Of course if my child was being physically harmed then the abuser and the authorities would know about it. However my dd has been emotionally abused on quite a number of occassions by one horrible person who chooses to call herself a teacher. Lots of parents have complained about this peson but nothing ever changes. For me the best thing to do was to prove her wrong, and rub her face in it at the same time. My dd was accepted into several schools all on dada. To get a place in the Bolshoi just rubbed her horrible nose in further. This person could not even have the decency to say well done to her. Karma will get her in the end.

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As the person who started this thread, I think it's gone slightly off the topic! I think a separate thread should be started on both abuse in ballet schools, and even, as Stardancer's post suggested to me, the difficult conditions and facilities in which children are studying ballet - or are trying to study ballet! These are both important topics, I think.

(Edited to add last sentence)

Edited by rowan
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Stardancer- I am not sure how serious your daughter is about ballet, but doing only one hour a week (well 55 minutes of advanced ballet) is not really going to be enough at 12 if she wants to take her dancing at all seriously. She obviously did well to pass her intermediate exam in such a short space of time and must have natural ability. However, she might not be doing enough for her to get into a competitive associate programme or go on to further training at 16.

 

You obviously have limited options due to past events and you seem to be saying that this current teacher has a positive relationship with your daughter, even though your relationship with her is a bit strained and she appears to be a bit abrupt at times. At this stage I think it is wise to ignore this if she is kind to your daughter. I think a lot of parents can have a strained relationship with their dd's ballet teachers at times. For me, some of that was because I don't actually know a lot about ballet. I remember being somewhat offended when my daughter wasn't put forward for an exam I thought she was ready for. My dd was very upset as well and I did feel indignant on her behalf but luckily I am not the sort of person to have the courage to go up to a teacher and challenge them. And having witnessed the behaviour of some other mothers I was definitely scared of appearing a 'pushy ballet Mum'. Looking back now though I can see dd's teacher had a much longer term vision of my daughter's progress. And even my dd would now say that there is no point (sic) in rushing through the grades. Despite being in a relatively high grade when she went to vocational school she had to go right back to basics and in fact did her interfoundation again.

 

Anyway, my somewhat waffley pointe is- since you don't seem to have any options at this moment in time, it would be best for you to trust this teacher and do not assume you need to fight your daughter's corner. I would encourage your daughter to do the same and actually accept that her ballet teachers do know more about ballet than she does. Definitely encourage her to do the new intermediate and or interfoundation and her grade class. I would think she would then be doing a reasonable amount of classes for her age. It doesn't matter about the name of the class and it will be new to her. The focus on basic technique would really help her advanced class. You could even ask the teacher what she recommends and do those classes, even if it isn't what you both think she needs at the moment.

 

Not sure if everyone would agree, but I certainly think that it is a lot less stressful to trust the teacher and let her get on with it (On the proviso she is competent and treats your child respectfully)

 

Good luck, getting a balance here is going to be very tricky but if you want your daughter to reach her full potential, something has to change!

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Stardancer- I am not sure how serious your daughter is about ballet, but doing only one hour a week (well 55 minutes of advanced ballet) is not really going to be enough at 12 if she wants to take her dancing at all seriously. She obviously did well to pass her intermediate exam in such a short space of time and must have natural ability. However, she might not be doing enough for her to get into a competitive associate programme or go on to further training at 16.

 

You obviously have limited options due to past events and you seem to be saying that this current teacher has a positive relationship with your daughter, even though your relationship with her is a bit strained and she appears to be a bit abrupt at times. At this stage I think it is wise to ignore this if she is kind to your daughter. I think a lot of parents can have a strained relationship with their dd's ballet teachers at times. For me, some of that was because I don't actually know a lot about ballet. I remember being somewhat offended when my daughter wasn't put forward for an exam I thought she was ready for. My dd was very upset as well and I did feel indignant on her behalf but luckily I am not the sort of person to have the courage to go up to a teacher and challenge them. And having witnessed the behaviour of some other mothers I was definitely scared of appearing a 'pushy ballet Mum'. Looking back now though I can see dd's teacher had a much longer term vision of my daughter's progress. And even my dd would now say that there is no point (sic) in rushing through the grades. Despite being in a relatively high grade when she went to vocational school she had to go right back to basics and in fact did her interfoundation again.

 

Anyway, my somewhat waffley pointe is- since you don't seem to have any options at this moment in time, it would be best for you to trust this teacher and do not assume you need to fight your daughter's corner. I would encourage your daughter to do the same and actually accept that her ballet teachers do know more about ballet than she does. Definitely encourage her to do the new intermediate and or interfoundation and her grade class. I would think she would then be doing a reasonable amount of classes for her age. It doesn't matter about the name of the class and it will be new to her. The focus on basic technique would really help her advanced class. You could even ask the teacher what she recommends and do those classes, even if it isn't what you both think she needs at the moment.

 

Not sure if everyone would agree, but I certainly think that it is a lot less stressful to trust the teacher and let her get on with it (On the proviso she is competent and treats your child respectfully)

 

Good luck, getting a balance here is going to be very tricky but if you want your daughter to reach her full potential, something has to change!

 

Think you have summed it up perfectly here!

F x

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Stardancer- I am not sure how serious your daughter is about ballet, but doing only one hour a week (well 55 minutes of advanced ballet) is not really going to be enough at 12 if she wants to take her dancing at all seriously. She obviously did well to pass her intermediate exam in such a short space of time and must have natural ability. However, she might not be doing enough for her to get into a competitive associate programme or go on to further training at 16.

 

You obviously have limited options due to past events and you seem to be saying that this current teacher has a positive relationship with your daughter, even though your relationship with her is a bit strained and she appears to be a bit abrupt at times. At this stage I think it is wise to ignore this if she is kind to your daughter. I think a lot of parents can have a strained relationship with their dd's ballet teachers at times. For me, some of that was because I don't actually know a lot about ballet. I remember being somewhat offended when my daughter wasn't put forward for an exam I thought she was ready for. My dd was very upset as well and I did feel indignant on her behalf but luckily I am not the sort of person to have the courage to go up to a teacher and challenge them. And having witnessed the behaviour of some other mothers I was definitely scared of appearing a 'pushy ballet Mum'. Looking back now though I can see dd's teacher had a much longer term vision of my daughter's progress. And even my dd would now say that there is no point (sic) in rushing through the grades. Despite being in a relatively high grade when she went to vocational school she had to go right back to basics and in fact did her interfoundation again.

 

Anyway, my somewhat waffley pointe is- since you don't seem to have any options at this moment in time, it would be best for you to trust this teacher and do not assume you need to fight your daughter's corner. I would encourage your daughter to do the same and actually accept that her ballet teachers do know more about ballet than she does. Definitely encourage her to do the new intermediate and or interfoundation and her grade class. I would think she would then be doing a reasonable amount of classes for her age. It doesn't matter about the name of the class and it will be new to her. The focus on basic technique would really help her advanced class. You could even ask the teacher what she recommends and do those classes, even if it isn't what you both think she needs at the moment.

 

Not sure if everyone would agree, but I certainly think that it is a lot less stressful to trust the teacher and let her get on with it (On the proviso she is competent and treats your child respectfully)

 

Good luck, getting a balance here is going to be very tricky but if you want your daughter to reach her full potential, something has to change!

 

Think you have summed it up perfectly here!

F x

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The problem is that how do parents know if what the ballet teacher is saying is right or not? You'd like to think that a ballet teacher always knows what the right thing is, but as Primrose indicates, they often might not, and a child who's keen on ballet wants to do what the ballet teacher says, and often not what the parent thinks is good for them.

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I think you have to find a balance between trusting (and hoping) that the teacher knows what they're talking about, and doing the best you can for your child. Not always easy! I don't always agree with my DD's teacher, but I choose my moments very carefully and sometimes bite my tongue. :-). Just like any other relationship really!

 

But I know she will always be honest with me about my DD and she has her best interests at heart. Plus I'm not a ballet teacher nor a dancer so she knows a lot more than I do about ballet.

 

I would say always do your own research though, because sometimes teachers have ideas about schools, for example, that they've formed quite a few years ago. If, for instance, a Director of Dance has since changed, then the whole ethos could change. It's always worth keeping up to date with news. :-)

Edited by spannerandpony
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Just as ballet can be an isolating experience for the student - so, too, can it become such for a teacher. Even if affiliated with other teachers...a teacher's thought process can become rutted. Not only how the rest of the world is changing but how the student in front of her is changing. This is why it is good to get other opinions and other teachers. It not only broadens the student it also broadens the teacher and broadens the possibilities.

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