drdance Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Oh Angel I'm so sorry to hear that. It seems that my experiences in the USA don't translate so well to experiences in the UK after all. I can't believe that the staff weren't honest with you - that's awful. I hope that your beautiful DDs are all doing well xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happymum Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 I've finally cleaned my DD's room. It was a terrible mess but that's my trigger - it's never tidy when she's home so now it doesn't look "normal"! I don't like going in there, makes me feel sad. On a positive note, after a tearful call the first evening DD is settling in and sounds much more cheerful in the evenings. Long may it last! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evie Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I've hated every minute of every day that my son has been away, he's now in year 11. I don't feel any excitement at all about him becoming a dancer. I feel very disconnected from it all now. It might be worth it for him, I hope it is, but I can never get those years back. He's happy, I'm not, but I guess it's about what he wants now we're this far down the road. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherbert Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Oh my goodness, there is some mild hysteria here. I would not want my child to know that I wasn't coping with them pursuing their chosen path. They go with my blessing and support. Just my opinion of course, but there is a touch of self pity here that needs some stiff upper lip! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happymum Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 Sherbet - I think the smile and support etc is there for the children, coworkers/clients/patients, rest of the family, neighbors etc etc Then on this forum we can share the difficult moments, sad feelings etc - no one should assume that we let the DC children see that we sometimes struggle, or suggest that they don't have our blessing or support. 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petalviolet Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 cringe Now let us all join hands and unite to mourn the passing of a benign and innocuous thread. A moment of silent contemplation to adjust your bewildered minds..I do enjoy when others *offer their opinion. *lays an egg of drama. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pups_mum Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Oh my goodness, there is some mild hysteria here. I would not want my child to know that I wasn't coping with them pursuing their chosen path. They go with my blessing and support. Just my opinion of course, but there is a touch of self pity here that needs some stiff upper lip! That's a bit harsh. I don't think anyone has suggested that they don't support their children or that they discuss their own anxieties with them. I'm sure most parents keep up appearances in public, but continually burying one's feelings isn't particularly psychologically healthy. A forum full of parents who have experienced or are currently going through similar is a pretty sensible place to share one's anxieties, and discussing things here may well help many keep up their stiff upper lips in the "real world". 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna C Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Oh my goodness, there is some mild hysteria here. I would not want my child to know that I wasn't coping with them pursuing their chosen path. They go with my blessing and support. Just my opinion of course, but there is a touch of self pity here that needs some stiff upper lip! I am sure that every parent on here is as brave as they possibly can be in front of their child/ren. But are parents not allowed to be sad too? Just because someone is an adult does not mean they should stuff their feelings down. Being able to say "I'm struggling" is much healthier than bottling everything up and displaying "stiff upper lip". Being able to show your feelings in a safe environment, and have those feelings validated by someone who understands, is sometimes all that's needed for you to whack a big smile back on your face and carry on. That's what this part of the forum is for, when push comes to shove - support and information. 24 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna C Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Great minds, Pups_mum. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harwel Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Oh my goodness, there is some mild hysteria here. I would not want my child to know that I wasn't coping with them pursuing their chosen path. They go with my blessing and support. Just my opinion of course, but there is a touch of self pity here that needs some stiff upper lip! I note from other posts you write that you have a rather abrupt writing style. However, I think this post is unnecessarily harsh. None of us know what others personal circumstances are and have no right to be judgemental. I actually applaud Evie's ability to allow her DC to Pursue their dream even though she finds it a great personal sacrifice. 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherbert Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Just me then, no worries. Apologies for any offence. As you were! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
primrose Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Let's be honest usually none of us choose to give birth and then allow our most precious bundle to go off to boarding school from a young age. Pre puberty is also a very confusing age for any child to cope with when mum and dad are not around to help. I think it would be very odd indeed to not feel an emptiness and sense of loss when your child is not at home. This forum is about support and celebration and we all hopefully offer advice. I do not see hysteria here at all, but parents who have put their own feelings aside to enable their children to follow their dreams. A selfless act indeed. 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billyelliott Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 It's very hard indeed to have your firstborn little miracle live so far away , when they have been your ray of sunshine for so many years and after spending every spare minute getting them to classes , shows and competitions ....to have silence ! Just when they are becoming old enough to share more grown up conversations and be good company ! But then it would be harder still not to let them follow their dream and so sad not to give them the opportunity to be the best they can be ..... It does make the little time we do have together more precious and meaningful .... 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinMM Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 As an only child I couldn't wait for the idea of going off to boarding school and my mum appeared to be behind me. Well first vocational (ballet) school didn't happen and then another school I nearly went to at 13 Friends School in Saffron Walden didn't happen at the last minute too. Looking back now I am wondering that if I HAD gone off to boarding school even though my parents and especially mum seemed up for it ....if I wanted it ...perhaps my mum would have been quite devastated in fact! I do think she would have missed having me around as we were also quite close in age and got on reasonably well!! I do think with hindsight that parents do put on a brave face but will do anything( well almost anything) for their children to be happy and for them to take any chances offered to them if showing any particular talents. Or just if they think they will get a better education in a particular environment which may be at a particular boarding school. I think it's VERY normal to feel emotional when children are away from home ....particularly at 11 years old ....but I'm sure at ANY age if it's for the first time. I really feel for that post by Evie. Not all parents can identify with an area in which their children may excel....it probably helps if you do like ballet etc if your child is away at ballet school for example but otherwise it must be difficult and an enormous sacrifice on the parents part. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahw Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I agree it's not ideal to show too much negative emotion in front of kids. BUT I do think they need to see some so they know you miss them and they feel able to discuss concerns with you. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evie Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Thank you all for your kind words and understanding. The only people I've ever opened up to about my feelings are you!! I'm very good at hiding behind my stiff upper lip 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TYR Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 File under "why I'm glad to be one of those adult beginner weirdos"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stardancer Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Hi my dd is a bit older ,but if she is lucky enough to go to vocational school,I will be the mum ,who will be crying none stop at the door,my dd is my best friend and my daughter. I remember two years ago at elmhurst summer school I cried so much ,that the teachers were comforting me instead,I am well known in elmhurst for this ,funny I no ,but at that time I felt terrible,while my dd waved me on with such a happy smile,I felt so proud. We have all shared the same adventures with our children,and leaving that chapter behind can feel sad and frightening 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Interested Parent Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 I agree it's not ideal to show too much negative emotion in front of kids. BUT I do think they need to see some so they know you miss them and they feel able to discuss concerns with you. Yes I too think they need to see some emotion. It's important for them to know that these feelings of sadness and missing someone are very normal so you need to show that a little too. In my experience if you expect 'stiff upper lip' and your child feels they have no control, they will find that control in other ways such as what they eat and we all know that can lead to all sorts of problems. My DD couldn't wait to go to voc school at 16 but when she got there she struggled enormously. I put on a brave face and kept her calm and focused but occasionally we both cried together (and her Dad!) and I think that showed her that none of us are perfect, we should share our true feelings with those we love and trust but we also learn from that and become stronger, more resilient people for it. Ironically this year she can't wait to get back and I'm an emotional mess ((-: 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 Oh Angel I'm so sorry to hear that. It seems that my experiences in the USA don't translate so well to experiences in the UK after all. I can't believe that the staff weren't honest with you - that's awful. I hope that your beautiful DDs are all doing well xxx My DD is much happier in her new school. Younger DD has just joined her so I am hopeful that she will feel the same very soon The advice you give is standard text book. I have heard it so many times. The problem is that children are all individuals and handle things differently. The staff never took the time to get to know either of my girls when they had problems, from bullying, to exhaustion, homesickness, you name it. Especially in the funded schools, children come from a wide variety of backgrounds, socially, financially and culturally. They are thrown into a totally alien environment where they are constants on their toes (excuse the pun). There is no respite. Going home regularly and talking to me each night was the best way to deal with it but if somebody had just listened to me and taken time to help, I might have had a happier child, or a move of schools. The vocational school environment has so little to do with a Summer school or indeed normal boarding school, unless that academic pressure is intense. It isn't that they lied to me per se, they just never got to know her..... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dance*is*life Posted September 9, 2016 Share Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) I know there's a theory that contact with home can unsettle them even more, but sometimes it's necessary, particularly when a child goes away for the first time, and especially abroad. I remember that a male student of mine went to summer school at the RBS when he was 13 and he found it very hard. The language and the strict discipline were foreign to him, even though he was a very well behaved, polite boy. For example, he was used to being allowed to ask questions of his teachers spontaniously and of course, he struggled explaining himself in English. He phoned his Mum and sounded very despairing - it was the last year that 13 year olds were put together with 16 and 17 year olds and the poor boy was only at IF standard and not used to so many classes and at such an advanced level. I happened to be in London on holiday and had intended to go and watch classes the second week, but at the mother's request I went to visit him and watched classes on his 3rd day. It literally saved him. I was able to explain to him that he was doing very well, considering his age and level, and I also spoke to the teachers who actually said the same thing to me. They were still in Talgarth Road then, so I was able to reminisce and show him the older studios that I had trained in. Interestingly, the following year they moved the 13 and 14 year olds to White Lodge and he was invited there for the next summer school. I have often wondered if his struggle inspired that move! The third time he was 15 and went to the new studios in Covent Garden. Eventually he trained at Elmhurst and again Skype calls to me and his mother together gave him the support he needed to continue. Some kids adjust better to life away from home, others need a bit of help and I do think that schools need to recognise that. Edited September 9, 2016 by Dance*is*life 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peanut68 Posted September 9, 2016 Share Posted September 9, 2016 We land at 1.00am on Wed morning and after a night in the airport hotel take Dd back to school later that day. Just hope the car with all her stuff in is still at the airport...!! Wow - I thought we were cutting it fine arriving home on the Saturday night with son starting new localish school & DD returning Wed! Hope all went well for you all & am sure the excitement of being back at school will have kicked in to overcome the tiredness!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted September 9, 2016 Share Posted September 9, 2016 Thank you Peanut68 - we made it and weren't too tired. Even managed an hour at Cribbs to get those last few bits! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
balletbean Posted September 11, 2016 Share Posted September 11, 2016 Good luck to everyone, I cannot believe that DD is starting her third year at Ballet West, it only seems like yesterday that I was dropping a 16 yr old DD off there on the Sunday before term started. I hope all the new students and their parents have a great day today dropping off and settling them in, it's hard for us but they are doing what they love. Especially the new students at Ballet West, it's a lovely place they will soon settle in! Best wishes DRSC Those words are so reassuring. My DD took part in Ballet West SS and can't wait to return next summer and then possibly applying for a full time place next autumn. Such a lovely place and stunning location. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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