DancingtoDance

If you live close enough to a vocational ballet school and if your daughter gets in a vocational ballet school, maybe your daughter can be a day student? I know about Young Dancers Academy (https://www.youngdancersacademy.com/) which is audition-only and has holiday courses. I don’t know much about it. I’m not sure I can answer your question well, because I don’t have experience with vocational ballet training. Maybe look into whether there are students who went straight from your child’s dance studio to a vocational ballet school? If your daughter will take or is already taking associate ballet classes, winter ballet intensives or summer ballet intensives, maybe the teachers of those classes could be able to give advice regarding that as they would have an idea of what is needed to get into vocational ballet school as well as your daughter’s aptitude for vocational ballet training and level of ballet.

Just out of curiosity, how many ballet classes have you taken a week for the past two years, and have you taken dance classes other than ballet by any chance or not? I agree with the advice to apply to associate schemes if you can't get into a vocational ballet school yet. I also suggest that perhaps you may want to apply to ballet winter or summer schools if you can. I'm not suggesting that you should definitely do ballet winter or summer school even if you get in, because there may be other priorities and sometimes we need a break, but it may be worth considering. There may also be non-selective ballet winter or summer intensives (I went to one but not in the U.K.) I also suggest that if you do apply for vocational ballet schools, you apply to more than only Elmhurst Ballet School, because it is possible to not get into one vocational ballet school but get into another ballet school. Even if you do get into vocational ballet school or do get into ballet school, I suggest you consider career options other than ballet dancing, because various factors may mean the end of vocational ballet training or the end of a career in ballet dancing, and because according to https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1fkwdll6ZscvQtHMz4HCYYr/why-do-dancers-die-twice the average age a dancer retires from a career in performing dance is about 35, which means that a career in dancing may very well be shorter than the years one works. There are forms of dance other than ballet, if you wish to explore them. I wish the best for you!

I don't know that I'm a tennis fan as I don't usually watch tennis. However, during maybe one or two semesters of my secondary school I played tennis as a weekly after-school activity, because I needed to do an action activity to graduate from my secondary school. I don't think I was very good at tennis at all as I usually missed the ball when trying to catch it, though I guess many skills require time to develop, but I don't think I'm very good at sports at all! Yes, I think liking tennis would definitely help one play tennis to the best of one's ability, because that would make practicing tennis more fun than like a chore!

I’m so sorry to hear about what your daughter has gone through. That was not her fault at all, and not a reflection on her. No career, including a career in ballet, is worth one‘s physical or mental health. It is important validate people’s emotions. Validating children’s emotions is one way to help them learn resilience. I think anyone’s physical and mental health would be compromised under a poor environment.

From what I have read online, it seems one ballet class a week might not allow you to make much progress in ballet, so if you have the time, money, and physical and mental stamina and capability to do so, you might want to add at least one more ballet class a week. At the same time, if you are satisfied with taking one ballet class a week at the moment and don't want to add any more ballet classes a week, that is completely fine. I don't suggest you practice ballet without a ballet teacher's supervision, because if you practice wrong ballet technique you get "better" at dancing wrong ballet technique instead of correct ballet technique which could put you at greater risk of injury, and because if your home doesn't have flooring suitable for dance according to https://www.theballetblog.com/portfolio/the-impact-of-flooring-on-dance-injuries/ if you don't dance on a floor that is suitable for dance that could put you at increased risk of injury especially if you don't dance with proper technique which you might not as a very new beginner in ballet. If you feel the level of the ballet course you currently are taking is too advanced for you, I suggest you speak with your dance teacher about whether you should start in a more basic ballet class and if a basic ballet class is available. I think RAD Intermediate sounds advanced for a beginner in ballet who has only started dancing since September so for less than half a year and especially when that beginner is only taking only one ballet class a week. I see that some dance studios require students taking RAD Vocational Graded Examination classes of which an RAD Intermediate Exam class to attend ballet classes at least three times a week (of course, you don't have to take the exam if you don't want to). I'm not sure why an RAD Intermediate ballet class would be the only local ballet class that is available for you? I think that if it is available to you, it may better serve you to take an adult absolute beginner ballet class instead, and if an adult absolute beginner ballet class is not available, if there is a class available to you that focuses more on the basics of ballet that may better serve you than an RAD Intermediate class even if most of the students in that class are children or teenagers. If you want to eventually go en pointe, according to https://www.ortho.wustl.edu/content/Patient-Care/3496/Services/Physical-Medicine-and-Rehabilitation-Musculoskeletal/Performing-Arts-Program/Criteria-for-Pointe-Work.aspx, a general recommendation is that a student should have at least 3 years of consistent ballet training and be consistently at least 3 ballet classes a week before they begin pointe work, so it seems if you want to go en pointe, eventually if not now you should try to have at least 3 ballet classes a week. At the same time, if you are not able or don't want to eventually go en pointe, that is okay too. The website also lists other general recommendations about criteria a student should fulfil before beginning pointe work. I would like to share that I started RAD Grade 1 Ballet at twelve years old and was the oldest in the class, and I think most of the other students in the class were around seven or eight years old. Though I was not an adult then, I wanted to share this with you, just in case that helps you feel less alone in starting dance later than others in the dance studio of the same or a similar age to you have started ballet. At the same time, if this is not an adult absolute beginner ballet class, if an adult absolute beginner class is available I think perhaps it may better serve you if you go to an adult absolute beginner ballet class instead. If an adult absolute beginner ballet class, I think perhaps it may better serve you if you go to a ballet class which is more basic and suitable for you even if most of the students there are children or teenagers. EDIT: I just read your last post and saw that you were able to do three ballet classes a week recently. I'm glad you were able to add more classes!

I'm so sorry to hear how you have suffered with disordered eating and general loss of confidence, and how your teacher made those comments. Comments about weight should be made with care and only when necessary, especially with young people whose bodies and minds are still developing, and safe and healthy practices should be promoted instead of unsafe and unhealthy practices. A dance teacher may not know whether or not weight loss or weight gain in a student is or would be safe for them, so they should take that into consideration and not make reckless and potentially dangerous comments. One's health is much more important than whether or not one's weight is suitable for a career in performing ballet, and if one's health is unnecessarily compromised or if one uses unhealthy weight management practices I'm not sure that one will be able to have a long career in performing ballet anyway. No career in ballet or any career for that matter is worth damaging one's health. There are some forms of dance in which I think their body type requirements may be less restrictive than ballet.

Unhealthy practices are not necessarily always made known to parents. Not every parent necessarily talks with their children as often as they perhaps should. Not every child or teenager will necessarily let their parent know about an unhealthy practice that is taking place. Even if a parent is from a dance performing world, e.g. has performed as a dancer, that does not necessarily mean they know what dance and exercises are and not appropriate for their child at their current physical and technical development to do. I think physiotherapists or people in similar professions may be able to offer advice regarding this. Regarding aesthetics, I think dance teachers should not discuss with recreational dance students their body type or weight, since they are not pursuing a dance career which may require a specific body type. If weight poses a health issue, that is what a doctor not a dance teacher who is not also a doctor should say. Dance teachers may not necessarily know whether or not a dance student wants to pursue a career in dance, so that is why it may be wise for dance students and/or their parents to let their dance teacher(s) know if they want to pursue a career in dance. If there is a concern regarding aesthetics, if discussed with the student I think this should be discussed privately and with care especially if the student's body is still developing as I think students' bodies can grow into or grow out of a ballet body (e.g. their torso-leg proportion can change), but some factors of this may not be what can be controlled. Dance teachers do not need to and should not tell a whole class or any student publicly in a class that they need to lose or gain weight those students giving any advice about how to do so and how to do so safely and health and without emphasizing healthy practices and without even knowing if losing or gaining weight would be safe or appropriate for those students (e.g. they may be at a healthy weight for their current situation, and losing or gaining weight could be very damaging to health and even life-threatening for some people, and dance teachers may or may not be aware of certain students' health conditions which may make it even more important for them to have safe practices regarding nutrition and exercise). While I think children and teenagers should be taught and shown that respecting authority to a certain extent is important, I think children and teenagers should be told that if something someone, including an authority figure, asks them to do does not feel safe or right to do, they don't have to do it and should not do it, and that it is okay for them to speak up when something is wrong or to tell someone including an authority figure to stop doing something harmful or that they think something they did was not okay.

How will parents know whether the training is right (i.e. free from physical and emotional abuse, preventing injury, and also of sufficient quality and sufficient but not excessive quantity for their child’s goals in dance)?

I think that abuse or neglect can be intentional or unintentional, and that abuse or neglect is never okay. One way to prevent dance teachers abusing or neglecting students is to hire dance teachers committed to valuing the physical, emotional and mental health of dance students, who use teaching practices that prevent physical, emotional or mental health injuries, and that also consider challenges students may have in this area (e.g. adapting the steps of a ballet exercise for a particular student who has a temporary physical injury). I think dance teachers of children and teenagers should receive training or guidance regarding typical and atypical physical, social, emotional, and cognitive development of children and teenagers, and regarding what ballet steps are and are not appropriate for a child or teenager of a certain age, previous dance training, ability in dance, physique, flexibility and strength to do. I think putting a child or teenager at high risk of injury due to demanding to do dance steps or exercises inappropriate for their age or dance ability is abuse. It is not okay to push bodies and minds beyond their current limits to the point it poses a risk of physical or mental injury. While a certain amount of training in ballet is needed for a professional career in dancing or teaching ballet, I think over-training in ballet or dance can potentially cause injury and can be counter-productive to progress in ballet or dance. I also think over-scheduling children and teenagers with activities, including academic activities, is not helpful and quite possibly harmful. Whether or not one is paying for the activities is irrelevant regarding whether over-scheduling of those activities is harmful. Just because one is paying for something doesn't necessarily mean it is worth it and doesn't cause harm, and just because some things may be free does not necessarily mean they should be taken or that they cannot harm. Parent should be aware of this. Resilience is important and can help children and teenagers get through difficult situations. However, this does not mean that children or teenagers should be expected to cope without help from other people with situations that are beyond what their current skills allow them to cope with, or to accept abuse or neglect, or that having resilience means that trauma will not harm. I think children and teenagers should be taught, shown or modeled problem-solving skills. Children and teenagers should also be taught about appropriate and inappropriate behavior and how to respond to inappropriate behavior. Home is one place appropriate behavior should be shown and taught, but unfortunately children's parents could be negligent or abusive to them. I think the topic of appropriate and inappropriate behavior, bullying, mistreatment, abuse and neglect should be discussed in school with students as well. I think children's and teenager's emotions, feelings and needs should be validated. These strategies could help build resilience. I think having awareness of one's current skills and of past and present situations could also help build resilience, and that others could help develop this awareness in young people. Students also should not be shamed or blamed for things outside of their control. There should also be process students and parents could take to express concerns or to report inappropriate behavior, and without the fear of negative consequences arising from doing so. Students and parents should be encouraged to express any concerns they have in the event that they have any. Verbal, emotional, or physical abuse have no place anywhere, including in dance classes, dance rehearsals, dance performances, recreational, pre-vocational or vocational dance schools, or dance companies. Regarding aesthetics, growing bodies can definitely change over time. I think there are some aspects of aesthetics you can control, and some aspects of aesthetics that you can't control. For example, one may be able to develop long and lean muscles as a result of ballet training, while one may not be able to change the length of their toes. I think it is possible that one's torso-leg proportion may change as one grows, and how much this will change if at all may not be predictable. I think regarding weight, actual or perceived issues regarding weight must be handled with care, particularly with young people whose bodies have not fully developed yet. I will preface this by emphasizing that I am not a health professional: I think if someone's weight changes due to puberty or natural changes in the body, this is okay and perhaps sometimes concerns regarding weight in the context of classical ballet aesthetics may be better addressed when a young person's body has fully developed or been close to fully developing. I think for a child or teenager, if there is a weight management plan it should be created with the guidance of a health professional and that the plan should be executed. under the supervision of a health professional.

Hi Tulip, thank you for sharing. Maintaining one's health as far as one can is much more important than keeping the right weight for ballet, because for one if you are not as healthy as you can be you may not be able to dance anymore or as long as you would if you were as healthy as you could be I think caution and tact must be used when discussing weight with young people or young dancers, especially with those whose bodies have not fully developed yet. It is okay and natural to go through puberty. Weight gain or weight loss during growth or puberty does not necessarily mean one's body is or will be unsuitable for ballet or dance, because student's bodies may change over time, especially when their bodies are still developing. No student should be shamed for natural weight gain or natural weight loss. From what I have read online it seems there are forms of dance other than ballet which may have less restrictive weight requirements than ballet, so students may want to look into a career in other forms of dance as well. I also think while weight gain or weight loss could be indicators of disordered eating, they are not necessarily always indicators of disordered eating: weight gain or weight loss could be due to growth or natural changes in the body, and they could be indicators of illnesses or medical conditions unrelated to disordered eating. This should be also considered when noticing weight gain or weight loss in a student: it should not be unnecessarily assumed that a student who seems to gain excessive weight or lose excessive weight has done anything to do so. One should not automatically assume that someone gaining weight is eating too much or that someone losing weight is eating too little.

I don't have experience with stage school auditions. I think that even if your daughter doesn't get accepted to any stage school, that does not mean that her previous stage or dance training is not valuable, as it may very well have taught her many useful skills such as perseverance as well as the technical and artistic aspects of the training. I think her hard work in dance and in the auditions should be acknowledged and commended despite the fact that she has not gotten accepted to them. I think it would be wise of your daughter to consider plans other than musical theatre, just because a musical theatre career may not be available to everyone, and because even if one starts a musical theatre career things could happen that mean a pause from or the end of their musical theatre career. However, this is not to say that your daughter getting rejected from two stage schools means she will not get into any stage schools or have a musical theatre career. After all, they are only two schools. Are there other stage schools your daughter could audition for? Even though your daughter got rejected from the two stage schools she auditioned for so far, I think it is good that she auditioned for them, because that gives her audition experience, and because at least your daughter did what she can to try to get in them. She could audition again for them if possible. Perhaps your daughter could seek advice from her local dance or stage teachers, regarding what next steps she could take and regarding what they think she does well and what she could improve on. Perhaps there are local dance training schemes that could supplement her current training (this might not be necessary for your daughter though; perhaps your daughter's current stage or dance training is sufficient for her goals, and I think it is important to take some rest and refrain from over-training). I think some careers do not necessarily require formal training in that career. For example, according to https://www.backstage.com/magazine/article/become-actor-5125/#:~:text=No%2C there are no education,of training along the way., it is possible to become an actor without going to acting school. I don't know what kind of training is required for musical theatre. I wish you and your daughter the very best.

I think that if you have a concern that a child may have been in danger, you should do something to ensure the child is safe if you can. Better to do something to ensure the child's safety when it turns out that the child was safe than to not do anything to ensure the child's safety and the child's safety be further put in danger. I think what is diagnosed as ADHD is not necessarily bad behavior as it is not necessarily willful and is also not necessarily a behavioral difficulty. Unfortunately sometimes children's characteristics or challenges get misinterpreted as misbehavior when it is not. For example, people who find eye contact uncomfortable do not need to be forced to make eye contact, people should be allowed to stim, people experiencing absence seizures where they temporarily lose consciousness may be misinterpreted to be willfully not paying attention when they temporarily lose consciousness. I also think that self-injury such as head-banging can be a sign of distress, and sometimes not being understanding towards people with ADHD or other conditions contribute to those people's distress (though that is not the only thing that can contribute to distress). I also think unfortunately sometimes parents may use their children's diagnoses to disguise abuse or neglect (I am not saying that is the case in the situation you mentioned, because I don't know what was the situation), so they may for example say this is part of the child's diagnosis when it is actually an indication of abuse or neglect. Sometimes things can be misinterpreted as wilfull or misbehavior when it is part of a diagnosis or condition. For example, some autistic people and people with other conditions that make them have sensory processing differences may noisy or bright environments overwhelming and have a sensory sensory meltdown where they may make noises, scream or do other things which indicate they are overwhelmed, and some people may experience vocal tics which they can't control and may be misinterpreted as willful or deliberately disruptive.

I also think having little to no eye contact, or needing to use forms of communication other than oral communication (sometimes people may also find it difficult to use oral communication during certain situations when they can communicate orally in other situations) does not necessarily mean not being able to live independently (although we are all in some way dependent on other people), and having eye contact or strong oral communication or language does not necessarily mean being able to live independently. I think if society was more accessible to people with an autism spectrum condition, more people with an autism spectrum condition would have better mental health and it would also be easier for people with an autism spectrum condition to participate fully in society. From what I have read it seems "masking" autism can also contribute to mental health difficulties, so I don't think "masking" autism should be the aim, and just because one does not appear to be autistic to other people does not necessarily mean they are not autistic or have no challenges related to autism or an inaccessible society.

The age where one is legally allowed to leave school (barring circumstances such as illness that makes one unable to attend school in which case age may not apply) in the USA depends on the state.

I am sorry to hear about this. Maybe (not saying definitely) your daughter is trying to smoke to deal with stress or something else as a way of coping? If so then maybe she needs to be taught to use other coping skills and if there are things stressing her out too much maybe that can be dealt with too. And/or maybe (not saying definitely) your daughter was tempted (with or without peer pressure) to smoke and unfortunately gave into that temptation? I think one step to try to resolve this is to try to find out why your daughter started to smoke, however your daughter may not know exactly why and/or she may not want to tell you why yet and personally I think if she does not want to tell you why I think that is her right to privacy too. Perhaps your daughter is unaware of the short-term and long-term effects smoking can have and if that is the case she needs to be made aware of how smoking can harm her. Another thing is that smoking is bad for the environment and pollutes the air which is really not fair for anyone who has made the conscious choice not to smoke and if your daughter smokes around others secondhand smoke can harm other people too which would mean it is not just your daughter who may get harmed by her choice to smoke but also other people who may get harmed by her choice to smoke. Some people may have breathing difficulties, allergies and other medical conditions which may make secondhand smoke especially harmful to them, so the point I am making is that smoking does not just affect oneself but also others and it is truly very unfair to subject other people as well to harmful effects from secondhand smoke. Perhaps explain this to your daughter. If your daughter has become addicted to smoking it may be stopping smoking may be challenging for your daughter however if she is motivated to stop I am sure stopping smoking is doable. Also, according to Childline if you are in the UK and your daughter is under 18 she legally is not allowed to buy cigarettes in case you were unaware of this fact (I don't think anyone should smoke regardless of their age because doing so is harmful to oneself as well as other people). As a parent the decision of what to do is up to you (of course within reason, for example though a parent's decision of how to guide their child is theirs there are some things no parents should do such as verbal, emotional or physical abuse or neglect), I think one thing to do is to first consider with your daughter (if your daughter is willing) what may have contributed towards her smoking habit and deal with those things, educate your daughter on the harmful effects of smoking on herself and other people, if she is motivated to stop smoking help her to do so, and maybe ask the upper school staff to restrict access to cigarettes if feasible (or if she comes home I think not letting her have access to cigarettes is reasonable). I wish you and your daughter the best.