Pups_mum Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 I definitely agree with some of the rants about schools being unsupportive! Although I think the thing that has bothered me the most is more about parental support- my mum is so incredibly supportive and would do anything to help me succeed; but my dad just doesn't seem to care at all. He pays for my classes & summer schools- but often doesn't even know which summer school I'm going to, despite having signed the cheque to pay for it! Whenever I try to talk to him about my auditions, he just becomes frustratingly unresponsive, and tries to change the subject. I am very "academically gifted" apparently, and daddy always wanted me to be a Lawyer, but obviously dance is my passion, which I am going to pursue! I just feel as if I'm a disappointment to him- he never says good luck to me before auditions, which in a way I can understand- he wouldn't wish me luck because he doesn't want me to get a place- I suppose a tiny part of me wishes that I could make him proud by going to Oxford university etc, but I know that's never going to happen because it simply isn't what I want to do... Sorry for the little rant!!! I've "liked" your comment SP, not because I like it, if you know what I mean, but because I relate to it. Sadly, my DD could probably have written it almost word for word. Her Dad wants the best for her,and I am sure yours does to,but sometimes parents,especially Dads,aren't quite in tune with teenage daughters! I think it's worry, and not understanding rather than disappointment that causes the problem though, but I know that's not always much help. Remember parents worry because of love though, but we sometimes don't get the words quite right. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancemum67 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Swanprincess I'm sure your Dad wouldn't pay for classes and summer schools if he wasn't proud of you or thought your dancing was a waste of time. Sometimes parents can't find the right words to express how they feel especially if it's a world they're unfamiliar with. My husband was a bit the same with our DD as she's academic too and would prefer her to go into a more traditional type of career. However, he can see how much she loves to dance (she does around 5 hours of lessons plus 3 hours assisting in class at the weekend) he's come round somewhat and was even googling how to sew on pointe shoe ribbons the other week! Chin up lovely x 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katymac Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Dh is the opposite Couldn't see why I was insisting DD did GCSEs, couldn't see why she might need more than Maths & English; doesn't understand why a Level 6 qualification or a degree or a three year course are necessary - realistically she should just start auditioning..... Sometimes you just can't win 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dance*is*life Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 (edited) My late father was the most amazingly supportive Dad that ever existed, I wreckon. When I was at the RBS my class performed in the operas at Covent Garden as extras. I was one of the four train bearers in Turandot. All I had to do was walk on to the stage holding the corner of the train, sit on stage for the entire act and walk off again.It was an incredibly exciting thing to be part of the backstage life at the Garden! However, it was not exactly an exciting part to watch, although the opera is magnificent of course and listening close up to Franco Corelli singing Nessum Dorma was something I'll never forget. Anyway, I did 8 or 10 performances and my darling Dad came to every single one. He got a last minute return ticket and sat wherever he could and never missed a night! His ostensible reason was so that he could accompany me safely home afterwards, but I think he just got a thrill seeing me on Covent Garden stage and he was willing to sit through a long opera for the privilege! I know not all fathers are like that, DP, but if your Dad is paying for you without quibbling, I think that's his way of showing you that whilst he may not be thrilled about your ambitions, he loves you so much that he is willing to help you achieve them, inspite of himself. Edited March 2, 2015 by Dance*is*life 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahw Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 SP That must be really hard to deal with but I agree with the others that the fact he is coughing up for all the classes etc makes it very certain he does really support you. I'm going to make a sweeping statement (but true)- the average man does not communicate well. Even less so when it is out of his area of knowledge. And I agree they are not confident in dealing with teenage girls..... (nor am I but someone has to do it!) I went to the sort of Uni your Dad wants you to go to and I am lucky to have a well paid career that I love. Although I support my dd as best I can I never had the desire to dance and I find it hard to understand why she wants to pursue such a competitive and poorly paid career when she could do anything academically - you are lucky girls to be talented all round but in some ways that makes it harder.... 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aileen Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Well, law is an extremely competitive field these days. There are far too many people chasing a shrinking number of training contracts and pupillages. Many end up as paralegals and never manage to qualify. There's nothing wrong with being a paralegal but in the past they were generally people who had left school with a couple of A levels at most, not people who had taken law degrees and the Legal Practice Course or the Bar Finals (which now cost thousands of pounds). Having said this, are there are any careers that are relatively easy to get into these days? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 SP I echo everything that everybody has said so far. If your Dad was against you dancing he wouldn't be funding it. It is possible that he just doesn't feel he understands enough about ballet to comment or commend you on your choices. X 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 (edited) I also agree with everyone SP. DD's dad never really says anything to her about her dancing, but cried when she got into her school. Not in front of her, of course Edited because I'd made it sound like DD's father was entirely silent Edited March 2, 2015 by mel 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophika9899 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Strawberyy, I cannot believe your colleague said that! Words fail me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna C Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I definitely agree with some of the rants about schools being unsupportive! Although I think the thing that has bothered me the most is more about parental support- my mum is so incredibly supportive and would do anything to help me succeed; but my dad just doesn't seem to care at all. He pays for my classes & summer schools- but often doesn't even know which summer school I'm going to, despite having signed the cheque to pay for it! Whenever I try to talk to him about my auditions, he just becomes frustratingly unresponsive, and tries to change the subject. I am very "academically gifted" apparently, and daddy always wanted me to be a Lawyer, but obviously dance is my passion, which I am going to pursue! I just feel as if I'm a disappointment to him- he never says good luck to me before auditions, which in a way I can understand- he wouldn't wish me luck because he doesn't want me to get a place- I suppose a tiny part of me wishes that I could make him proud by going to Oxford university etc, but I know that's never going to happen because it simply isn't what I want to do... Sorry for the little rant!!! Only you and your Mum know your Dad, Swanprincess, so what I'm about to suggest may be wide of the mark, but from what you've said here about your past, could your Dad just be worried about you? Perhaps he is worried about your long term health if you get a place at a dance school, especially one far away from home? I'm just thinking of my own dh, who obviously worries about his "little girl", but sometimes when he is worried it comes across as a bit grumpy. Could it be that your Dad thinks that Uni would be less subjective, and therefore less competitive so better for your emotional and physical health? As parents we want to protect our children from hurt or harm, and balancing that with letting our children try for their dreams (especially when those dreams involve such intense competition, scrutiny, hard hard work, and take a toll on mental and physical stamina) is sometimes very hard for parents. I'm wondering whether your Dad perhaps wishes you would keep your dancing as a wonderful hobby, and go to Uni as it's a much less subjective process with no physical scrutiny (for academic courses, at least!) as he would worry less about how his precious dd will cope in the long term? I agree with others that if he was completely unsupportive he would not pay for summer schools and associates. Perhaps he is worried about how you would cope in the ballet world, but can't express it? 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon2 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I was thinking the same as Spanner but she has put it so much better than I could. As a parent when a child moves onto the next stage be it high school, vocational school or university we worry about them. When that child has had problems with health it is really hard to relax, you have probably been there for every stage of the illness, recovery or for support. You head tells you they need to go, your heart wants to keep them physically close. Maybe it is time SP to ask your parents to have a family meeting - don't just tell them dance is what you need to do but ask what is worrying them about it, about you leaving home etc. Talk about options now, post dance, support networks at uni or schools, how you will ask for help if you need it, keep lines of communication open. Listen to their worries, they will be real. I admire your determination but sometimes we need to stand back and think how others are feeling. Your parents have obviously been supportive in the past and if your dad is paying etc he still is and they will want to go on supporting you in your future. Whatever you end up doing I'm sure they will be proud of you. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aileen Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 If the dance world is a complete unknown to your dad I suspect that he feels out of his depth and doesn't know what to say or how to support you. The audition process in particular probably seems cruel, arbitrary and opaque to him and he may worry about the effect that it is having on your health. As Jane has said, whatever you end up doing after you leave home your parents are likely to be much happier if they are confident that you will take responsibility for trying to remain healthy by making sure that you eat regularly, get enough sleep, find and use support networks and ask for help as soon as you have any problems. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BalletDad10 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 While I agree that schools should be more supportive of dance, it's hard to change every individual's thinking that ballet is just a hobby, etc. I think my DD has very similar feelings to Swan Princess, but in her case the parental roles are reversed. I'm the supportive one and her mother is always telling her to give up ballet and concentrate on her studies. It used to worry me that we weren't singing from the same hymn sheet, but in recent years I've changed my mind and come to see it as a plus. Let me explain. First, I think our DC need both positive and negative perspectives. The former gives them encouragement and confidence, and the latter keeps their feet on the ground and makes them work on the things that need improving. Second, it helps them get used to different types of people. As they go through life, our DC are going to come across teachers, choreographers, dancers, etc. with a whole range of personalities. And third, wouldn't it be worse if all the people around you were one type? If everyone was telling you how wonderful you were, you wouldn't try hard. And if they all said you were wasting your time and should give up, then you probably would. Either way, it would be much harder to succeed. So SP, I would use your Mum for support and your Dad for motivation. And I can guarantee you as a Ballet Dad myself, we ALL love our DDs. As one of the Mums pointed out above, we're just not very good at expressing ourselves. Good luck. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amum/Cathy Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Great stuff. I really think the dancing helps the academics. They compliment (or refresh) each other. I was thinking of starting a similar thread, but on a slightly different tack. Why don't we make a list of benefits/advantages that our DC get from ballet that can be useful in any work or life setting. I'll try kicking things off. Social Skills such as: Teamwork Working to deadlines Conflict Management Sharing Discussion Networking Physical Benefits such as: Fitness Elegance (?) Weight management (??) Training Exercise Nutrition Creative skills such as: Imagining Visualizing Inventing Outlining Composing Editing Teaching Over to you… When it's complete, we can print it off and present it to those head teachers, neighbors, spouses, etc. and pin it on the wall to remind us all when we have to fork out for yet another pair of pointe shoes. Joining the thread a bit late but I think we had a thread about this which I can't find, but I do have a link which Anjuli might have posted originally - http://sarahjukes.com/2013/01/31/6-reasons-why-ballet-dancers-make-awesome-employees/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swanprincess Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Thankyou so much for the lovely replies to my post; hearing other people's opinions certainly helps me to put things into perspective and think more rationally- I suppose you are right in saying that my family do just want to do what's best for me. I suppose in my mind I was thinking 'if I got in to vocational school I don't think dad would be proud of me because he wishes id pursue a more academic career' however in hindsight I realise that there's no point stressing over it, as the possibility of a vocational school place is still very much a tiny possibility at this point- I may end up going to university instead eventually, anyway!! Sorry if I seem as if Im constantly ranting about various things- the advice you give me is so helpful & I'm really grateful 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahw Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 SP I don't think you rant unreasonably! Clearly dancing is your life. It is a very hard world to be in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pups_mum Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Thanks for the replies. It's been interesting reading about everyone's experiences. The thing is, DD is doing her A levels, does have a realistic understanding of what the chances of truly "making it" as a dancer are, and does have a sensible Plan B, but people are still talking about her "throwing her life away". It's very annoying. She is very down to earth, pretty mature and works hard at both her school work and dancing. She's not some starstruck little girl....I just wish certain people would give her a bit more credit. Sorry to read that others are in similar situations, but it kind of helps to know she's not the only one with this problem. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pas de Quatre Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 As both teacher and mum. I have suffered comments such as "How could you make her" i.e. train as a dancer. My reply is usually, "I didn't make her, I wouldn't have been able to stop her!" 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfbrew Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 As both teacher and mum. I have suffered comments such as "How could you make her" i.e. train as a dancer. My reply is usually, "I didn't make her, I wouldn't have been able to stop her!" Me too. I did try to stop ds! Failed miserably. Glad I did! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna C Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Ha! Glad I'm not alone in that one. Dd is blessed with a brilliant brain and work ethic, as well as a beautiful soprano singing voice. Every so often I casually throw into the conversation a reference to choral scholarships at Cambridge. I get "The Look™" which only parents of teenagers will appreciate. :-D 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pas de Quatre Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Ha ha, appreciate that Spanner - one of my dd's teachers at her previous academic school (up to GCSE) said she was the only pupil she had ever had where Oxbridge was Plan B! 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dance*is*life Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I've had a good chortle at the last few posts - we are a mad lot, aren't we? You know my mother sent me to ballet classes when I was not quite 3 1/2, because I went up on stage at a pantomime with such confidence, that she felt instinctively that I belonged there! And that was it - dance is life and life is dance to this day!!! And I wouldn't have changed any of it. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramascientist Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 You just cant give it up when its in your blood. You might take a vacation from it every now and again but the pull is so strong you eventually come back"home" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huddsballetmum Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 (edited) Have read the comments on this post and can identify with practically all of them. My answer to all when questioned about the path my very academically talented daughter has chosen is "because I want her to be happy, and dancing makes her happy!" Swan Princess - all parents really want for their children is for them to be safe and happy. Your Dad's attitude is probably much more about you growing up and his fears about you not being his little girl any more, than it is about dancing. My relationship with my darling Dad deteriorated rapidly when he knew I was about to leave home to go to university. Once I had gone and he (and I) had survived the first term, life was back on track. I was the first from his side of the family to ever go to university so it was all alien to him and he was worried about me and also about how our relationship would be affected. 30 years on we are closer than ever so it wasn't affected at all. Maybe that's a bit how your dad feels and he just needs to know that you will always adore him and always be his little girl. Edited for spelling mistakes Edited March 5, 2015 by Huddsballetmum 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dance*is*life Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 You just cant give it up when its in your blood. You might take a vacation from it every now and again but the pull is so strong you eventually come back"home" Exactly! I stopped taking classes regularly during the 7 years when I was having my babies, until a friend invited me to join her ladies' beginners class just to try and get back into shape. My Dad came over to babysit the youngest and when he saw me with my hair pulled up into a bun again - he said Oh my dancing daughter's come back to me! And that was it - I never stopped taking class again and my baby is 34! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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