Jump to content

Junior boys doing ballet


Mumofthree

Recommended Posts

My teeny tiny boy is 5 on Tuesday. He's obsessed with ballet (thanks to older sister also obsessed). His body is new and young but it's clear to see he's got a good body for dance. He role plays at being a ballet star like Polunin or Acosta, his sister is his teacher in the games. He dances beautifully for his teeny tiny Age. But he won't attend class (he does street dance and freestyle and his teacher begs him to do ballet but he won't). He's so sadly been indoctrinated to think boys do football and girls do ballet. How do we get over this? At what age do these stereotypes go out the window ? Mums of boy dancers fill me with hope? Xx

Edited by Mumofthree
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A little boy I teach started with ballet and tap before being horribly bullied at school and dropping ballet and tap for street and breakdance. 

I stuck at it with him, he came to watch classes, joined in one week quit the next  eventually he properly rejoined, now he tells me "ballet is in his soul"

Luckily our school has 17 boys between the ages of 6-16 in ballet classes so there is no "ballet is just for girls" as there are olenty of role models for the younger boys to look up to. If you can find boys ballet classes it will make a huge difference or even just a partner in crime. 

I think the RAD, Hammond and Tring all offer schemes aimed at getting boys into ballet, that might be the way to go? 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mums of boy dancers? ?

 

The school we dance with has about 16 boys out of about 250 students, I think, ranging from my ancient self in the adult class to a small class of five year olds with more boys than girls in it: models matter a lot.

 

When he started out our teacher put my son in the class a year older than he really should have been in because there was already a boy in it: it's pretty much snowballed from there, with their brothers in younger classes and other  boys seeing it as normal. 

 

Find places where boy ballet  dancers are normal: are there summer camps nearby he could do or any of the schemes mentioned above? 

 

What do male role models in his life say? I've encountered a few instances of mothers saying that daddy won't let his son dance. 

 

Does the teacher have older boy dancers that could mentor him a little? Your aim is for him to treat people who say  ballet is for girls as sadly misinformed idiots, which seems to be my sons' attitude!

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi mumofthree,  I can only comment on our experience. Our DS is now at vocational school in year 7. He suffered quite badly with bullying in primary school - mainly by a small group of boys, but who managed to make his life a misery. We had an extremely supportive headteacher who has a DD himself and he was very proactive in encouraging our DS and stamping out the bullying. His dance teachers also used to encourage him through the tough times. I think if it were not for all their  support - our DS may have at times - given ballet up. We were relieved when he won a place at vocational school as to continue with ballet training at secondary school as a boy ........ very sadly, filled us all with dread. 

I think the stereotypes continue for a while I'm afraid but once the boys reach a certain age - they seem to cope with 'being deemed a little different' much better & brush these views off. We've always pointed out the positives to our DS of being a dancer - strength, athleticism , confidence, posture etc etc. I can safely say now our DS wouldn't even consider giving ballet up - even if he were the only boy in the class !! I wish things were different and these issues didn't arise as I'm sure many talented boys with great potential may have been lost because of it. I do like to think however that things are slowly improving ....... forever the optimist :D

 

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My ds also danced with and because of his sister a lot at home, but resisted dance classes for a long time. I couldn’t even tell you why, as there has never been any suspicion of bullying of any kind. The ‘for girls’ thing was in his head, but not sure how it got there. When he was 8 he started a performing arts group (where they do some musical theatre dancing) because there were other boys there. 9 was the magic age when he was mature enough to realise for himself that he didn’t like football and he’d much rather be in dance classes even if he was the only boy! That was last September. He started with a 45 minute tap class as that was the only class with another boy in it. By Christmas he had added on ballet and commercial, and now says ballet is his favourite. All of his friends think it’s interesting and unusual, but he hasn’t experienced any negativity so far :) 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for your comments. Sadly at my sons age there arnt many boys that dance. 2 a fair bit younger than him and none then until grade 4+ we are kind of restricted looking elsewhere at the moment as my daughter is thriving where she is and the teaching is super. He'll continue with freestyle for now and I just hope that he soon hits that magic age where he is less concerned with what other people think. Hubby/daddy would be very supportive of him doing ballet but I will make sure he sees other male role models who can inspire him to dance too xx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My son is older than his sister - he went to tap (and then onto ballet) with a group of friends who were girls.  He gloried in being "different" - dropping into flat splits in goal in 5 a side football, and memorably being sent off from a netball match for gross intimidation.  You can't move with the ball but you can pirouette with your foot at face level of their goal attack.  Well that was his logic ...

 

I would say don't force it - there are plenty who start ballet at 8/9 and still go to vocational school at 11.  Or start at 12+ and have professional careers.  You don't have to start at 5.  It has to be enjoyable.  There are plenty of RAD/Tring type events he can join in with later.  Put him off at 5 and you may put him off for life.  

 

For my son, what made the difference was being told that footballers do ballet for warm up - by an ex-Chelsea player.  So that's what he did, went to ballet and then on to football.  We also went to see Northern Ballet's production of Beauty and the Beast which has the most athletic male lead imaginable.  Oh, and Romeo and Juliet with the sword fighting (although it's quite a long ballet,you might want to leave that until later).

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I would agree with that meadowblythe on both fronts !! Allowing younger boys to find ballet in their own time naturally, maybe following on from other dance genres when they realise all dance forms are for boys and girls. Also, we are frequent theatre-goers and enabling our DS to watch male professional dancers really enthralled & inspired him .......and still does !!!

Not long ago we went to see Matthew Bournes "Edward Scissorhands" ...... our DS was literally on cloud nine afterwards, he enjoyed it so much & said "I'd love to be as good as those dancers one day & be in a show like that" 

He still talks about Dominic Norths performance now !!:D

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

.......also be careful what you wish for mumofthree .....once they get the bug !!

Our DS has gone from being anxious about divulging his dancing to dancing anywhere & everywhere , not caring whose watching !! Quiet supermarket aisles, parks, walking along the road or even crossing the kitchen floor whilst emptying the dishwasher  - our DS will spontaneously burst into some kind of dance routine.

We've got used to it as a family & his sister has long given up with the "please stop dancing, people are looking" comments as she rolls her eyes !!

As for my lounge ceiling below his bedroom - the plasterwork has definitely seen better days from all his tapping, leaping, pirouettes etc, etc

like I say ....... once they've got the bug !! :D:D

That said, I wouldn't have him any other way !

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ah memories of an impromptu rendition of an EYB solo in the glass section of Ikea ..

 

Last year I had the surreal experience of watching two of  my children's events simultaneously on television.  Non dancing son was under the stage at the RSC on Shakespeare live, Dancing Son was being livestreamed on the Glasgow celebrations.  As dancing son came on stage I got a text from the RSC ... "does that child ever put any clothes on?"  as Ballet4boyz says, I could "see" the eyes rolling.

 

Also watch out for the scuffing to the top of school shoes - tap dancing, ballet dancing ..

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

i would stay chilled at this age. My DS (I'm sure you are all bored of hearing) didn't start any ballet classes until aged 10, didn't really take it at all seriously til aged 12, went to vocational school at age 14 and is about to graduated from the Vaganova Acadamy in Russia. Boys can afford to wait until they are a bit older and hopefully a bit more robust vis a vis others' comments... 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, CeliB said:

i would stay chilled at this age. My DS (I'm sure you are all bored of hearing) didn't start any ballet classes until aged 10, didn't really take it at all seriously til aged 12, went to vocational school at age 14 and is about to graduated from the Vaganova Acadamy in Russia. Boys can afford to wait until they are a bit older and hopefully a bit more robust vis a vis others' comments... 

I was aware that you had a successful ds, but didn’t know these details - so not bored of hearing! Very interesting, and nice to know :) 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I completely agree with the majority. My DS only started Ballet 18 months ago. After begging his teacher to let him have a go. He is going to vocational school in September.  He has never had any real issues with the Boys don't do ballet ect.  Once a boy at school said ballet is for girls his reply was I don't agree and I like it if it's good enough for Rio Ferdinand it's good for me.  

 

I think if they should be supported if they want to follow it but not pushed as my loose intrest. 

 

We need more boys in Ballet and it needs to be publicised more to show it is OK for boys to do it 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find it very dismaying that boys are still being put off ballet 20 years after the nice boy in my daughter's primary ballet class was told by his father that he was not going to be allowed to do ballet after the age of six because it was effeminate. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Funnily enough, in DD's school class, she is the only girl taking ballet - but 3 of the boys are (one Japanese, one Spanish and one half Portuguese). They're all perfectly happy to talk about it and are quite competitive - all of them are different schools - but will keep telling DD that she can't get fat if she wants to be a dancer. Bit of a menace as DD is by far the skinniest child in her class and the fussiest eater I know - and now she's stressing about getting fat at the age of 8!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

45 minutes ago, xanthe said:

Funnily enough, in DD's school class, she is the only girl taking ballet - but 3 of the boys are (one Japanese, one Spanish and one half Portuguese). They're all perfectly happy to talk about it and are quite competitive - all of them are different schools - but will keep telling DD that she can't get fat if she wants to be a dancer. Bit of a menace as DD is by far the skinniest child in her class and the fussiest eater I know - and now she's stressing about getting fat at the age of 8!

Which goes to show that being on the receiving end of negative stereotypes in dance is not the sole preserve of boys. At 8 years, these little guys cannot possibly be aware of the potential  impact of their remarks. But if its making your daughter stressed and upset it needs to stop. Its important for young dancers to get strong positive messages about the importance of good diet and healthy eating. Maybe have a quiet word with the teacher and give your dd lots of reassurance.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wasn't best pleased as I'd hoped to get her a bit older before such concerns kicked in - fortunately we were able to have a sensible chat and she is almost certainly taking after me and will be able to eat whatever she wants so doesn't need to worry at all.

 

I have a feeling that the teachers of these boys have been slightly over-egging the whole 'male ballet dancers must be strong so they can lift the girls' bit! I'm keeping a bit of an eye and if it gets worse then I will have a chat to school who will be very fast on the uptake, 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Again thank you for your replies. Agree with the above and will bide time waiting until he is ready. I sadly also agree with the comments about pressure on girls. My DD is also far too aware if her weight. She's far from fat but she's muscly and does have a naturally curvy body that when she slouches she looks bigger than she is. She had a sickness bug last week and lost 2lb and she was delighted. I was mortified! Kids this young dancers or not shouldn't even be vaguely concerned with these matters. ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My daughter started to become very aware of food and fat/sugar around this age and it was nothing to do with dance! It was her primary school's rather ill informed healthy heating lessons in PHSE and she suddenly started to ask for low fat yoghurts and tell me that pure fruit juice was bad and she should be drinking sugar free drinks instead (which I didn't buy as me and her brother were intolerant to the sweeteners they then contained).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is a worry, especially when children are naturally slim anyway, if they start to obsess about food choices. We never weighed our DD as a routine matter as I was very conscious that when I danced (serious non-professional training with a few girls going on to Hammond and musical theatre colleges) there was a lot of discussion about weight but apparently no understanding of how a dancer might weigh more than another dancer because of height/physique/muscle mass etc. We have taken the view therefore that whether one can fit into favourite clothes - especially skinny jeans - is a better guide than weight ? I agree that school lessons can do more harm than good and really don't like DD drinking 'diet' drinks with all their additives and chemical nasties. She's lucky that she prefers water  most of the time anyway. I also wish that the analogy of expecting a car to run without appropriate fuel was used in primary schools as most children will appreciate that. 

 

I suspect you're right Xanthe and that those little boys have been hearing about how strong male dancers must be to lift those frail-looking but very strong and fit ladies! Which I entirely understand and applaud - another weapon in the armory should it be needed to counter spiteful comments about boys who dance - but empathise with its unfortunate knock-on effect for your DD! I'm sure that as you are aware of it and are talking to her about it things will remain manageable.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

38 minutes ago, Legseleven said:

<snip>

 

I suspect you're right Xanthe and that those little boys have been hearing about how strong male dancers must be to lift those frail-looking but very strong and fit ladies! Which I entirely understand and applaud - another weapon in the armory should it be needed to counter spiteful comments about boys who dance -

" real men dont lift weights they lift  ballerinas !  "
 

" ballet  it;s like a sport...  but harder " 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

DD sometimes says she is fat ... she isn't! I know it comes from some of the girls at school whose only interest is their appearance and putting down others.

 

and like a previous poster, we go by fitting into favourite clothes!

 

DD doesn't drink or eat 'diet' or low sugar drinks/food , as I don't like the chemicals and additives in them and she knows all about a healthy diet. Luckily her best friends are all either dancers or athletes, and they all know about healthy eating and generally they ignore the 'mean' girls as they call them.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

'Mums of boy dancers fill me with hope?'

 

Aren't you yourself guilty of  perpetuating gender stereotypes!? ?

 

As the father of a DS who started dancing a couple of years younger than your son is currently I think he was always know by his peers as a dancer and never experienced bullying etc. Currently at RBS WL he regularly returns to his old school to connect with young boy dancers. 

 

You can lead a horse to water, but can't make him drink, make it clear the option to do ballet is there for him and let him take it up when he feels he wants to. Would be my view. 

 

I also wouldn't get too sidetracked by talk of being not too late for vocational school, he is 4! No need to get ahead of yourself!

 

good luck. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hiya, my DS started dancing lessons at around 7, it had been fairly clear from early on that the boy had rhythm! At 1, he stole 12 sparkly scarves from new look cause they were "shiny!" 

At 3, his favourite TV programme was Strictly and when I managed to get tickets to see Russell Grant in Grease, he nearly burst! After the show, I'd asked Russell on Twitter if we could come and say hi at the stage door and he said yes! Sammi was so starstruck, and he told him to keep dancing and he'd see him in the future. After this, one christmas at the turning of the town Christmas lights, he started throwing a few shapes, and before we knew it, he had a crowd stood round him cheering him on!! ?? He's 10 now and all his friends know he dances, he shows them the cool stuff like the acrobatics and gets his street cred that way! His first love though is ballet, and he dances everywhere! In Asda, he literally jete's down the beans aisle. ?? I have to stop him legging people over sometimes. Like all kids he has had moments of "I can't be bothered" especially becoming a tweenager which is when I arrange a trip to a show or ballet, and his dream is back on.

As a parent I see that as my job, to ignite his passion for his hobbies, keep his dreams going. Oh and pay up!! ????? PS. Beware negativity from elderly relatives, we had an uncle who just started to say something derogatory one day, and I just cut him short. Enjoy!!! If your son wants any encouragement I'm sure Sammi would write him a post...xx 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, MrsMoo2 said:

PS. Beware negativity from elderly relatives, we had an uncle who just started to say something derogatory one day, and I just cut him short. 

 

Yeah, that's always a problem, though in our case the grannies stopped their nonsense after I started dancing. Anyone else is too busy processing that I do ballet to say anything stupid about the boys. ?

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 months later...

I can't say how pleased I was to see the reports yesterday that at Prince George's new school he's going to be doing ballet (and French, but that's another matter!).  Anything that helps normalise ballet for boys can only be a good thing in my book (and, let's face it, given the amount of influence various members of the Cambridge family appear to have over certain sections of society - clothes selling out once they've worn them, for example - I'm sure some parents will think it's the done thing to copy them in this too).

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...